Entries in the Category "hoarders"
Narrating My Procrastination (in the Manner of Hoarders)
So I love this show Hoarders, in which professional organizers, psychologists, and cameras all descend upon a home that the resident has compulsively filled with junk.
This morning I was procrastinating on writing a paper, and reading some internet forums re: Hoarders. Like most viewers of the show, I take pleasure in the fact that, because I can see my own floor, I am not a hoarder myself. But then, I realized that my own compulsive avoidance is comparable to that of the people on Hoarders. I started to fantasize (because it's so much a better use of my time) that the show was instead called Procrastinators and that I was on it. Images of me Not Working will be intercut with ominous statements communicating how out of control I am. (On the Hoarders forums they call it the "black screen of judgment.")
It would look like this:
Black Screen of Judgment: Erin has a paper due on Tuesday, which she has barely started.
Cut to: Erin, curled up in down comforter, screwing around on the web. The picture of laziness.
Black Screen of Judgment: Though she has vowed that today will be “all about the paper,” she has been surfing the forums at Television Without Pity for the past 40 minutes.
Cut to: Piles of books on Erin's desk and bookshelves. Many have bookmarks in them, 1/3 to 1/2 of the way through.
Black Screen of Judgment: Erin’s schedule was completely open yesterday. She was awake for approximately 16 hours, but did not do as much of a minute of work on her paper. Asked whether she accomplished anything she intended to do that day, she replied that she had done “some reading,” but would not specify.
Cut to, Erin, testimonial: I also loaded the dishwasher. And did one load of laundry. That I haven't put away yet. But I don't have a problem.
Black Screen of Judgment: The paper Erin is having so much trouble writing needs to be just five pages long.
You know, this exercise was very helpful. I think I will always imagine my problems this way.