Entries in the Category "self-help"
When What You Think You Know is Not What is True
Today I took the bus onto campus to do a little work, and, to my relief, I actually did some work (mostly related to Toni Morrison, two of whose novels will provide the textual basis for my paper about the function of gossip and the sharing of superstition in communities of African American women). Yesterday, I admit I lived a bit of a cliche, facing my recent life changes by wallowing in bed all day and watching half the first season of Lost on Netflix Instant. Work is going to have to be extremely important to me for the next few months (though, I daresay Netflix Instant will be a big help, too).
Today on the bus, a guy in the seat in front of me was reading a self-help book. There was a list of "things we tell ourselves" and my nearsighted self could mostly make out what it said. I did not lean in too close, because the guy was a bit smelly.
Anyway, one of the entries on the list really spoke to me. It said, "I think because I am good to people that people are good to me." Wow.
Don't misunderstand the diction here, which is a little ambiguous. The writers of self-help manuals do not tend to be masters of the linguistic arts. What the statement is not saying is, "one reason people are good to me is probably because I am good to them in return. Basic cause and effect."
No. The book is saying, to people like me, and probably like this smelly guy, and anyone else who needs self-help books and therapists and cathartic blog-writing, "Just because you treat people well does not mean that they respond in kind. You may get along well with everybody, and proceed generally without conflict. DO NOT MISTAKE THIS FEELING FOR THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS ARE MUTUALLY SUPPORTIVE."
Some of us are putting good things out there all the time, trying to be selfless, trying to make other people feel better. Eventually, you have to ask yourself, "Who does this for me?" When you realize that the answer is, "Nobody," then you know you have a problem.