Cereal Monogamist

Entries in the Category "TV"

New digs

"Stop all this arguing! We have to keep moving!" - every episode of Lost, ever

It's time to abandon Cereal Monogamist and head off into the jungle in the direction of my new blog, Cultural Civilian. Follow me (or my helpful link) to my new presence at Wordpress.

(And for God's sake, keep moving! They could be right behind us. And it's gonna be dark soon.)

The Great X-Files Rewatch: Season One, Part Two

Initial Thoughts

One big bonus of the second half of the first season of The X-Files: the introduction of Assistant Director Skinner! The Skinman! He only appears in one episode (“Tooms”), but apparently he made enough of an impression that he became a regular starting with Season Two. And this is back when we were all supposed to haaaaaaaaate Skinner. See, Skinner eventually becomes Mulder and Scully’s ally, in an awesome moment where he told the Cigarette Smoking Man to “bend over and kiss my ass,” but before that happens, he’s in league with the mysteriously oppressive government forces.

Another big bonus of the second half of the first season: Scully Pregnancy Watch! Yes, Gillian Anderson managed to get herself knocked up in the first year of the show, leaving her costumers with little else to do but drape her in mannish suits and an enormous trenchcoat that becomes omnipresent at the tail end of the season.

"Scully, do you have something to tell me?"
"No, Mulder, why do you ask?"

Brilliantly, the show wrote around it by having Scully be abducted by aliens in the first part of season 2.

Continue reading "The Great X-Files Rewatch: Season One, Part Two"

The News in Feisty Old Ladies

Betty White will be hosting Saturday Night Live tomorrow, and if her interview with Jimmy Fallon is any indication, she's going to rock it. Everyone needs to watch this NOW.

Liberal crisis!

I want to buy a new TV—a small one, for my bedroom, so that I can move the one that’s currently in my bedroom into my kitchen. I’ve decided this is a necessity based on the fact that ever since I discovered The X-Files was on Netflix Watch Instantly, and that my laptop fits very nicely on a corner of my kitchen counter, my dirty dishes have been cleaned much more regularly. (While I’m still locked into finals, my deal is that I’m only allowed to watch The X-Files if I’m also cleaning the kitchen. See how my mind works? I have to trick myself into doing things like I’m a kindergartner.)

Anyway, I was looking at various online deals, when I suddenly had a guilty little urge to check Wal-Mart.

I don’t shop at Wal-Mart. I have been indoctrinated to think Wal-Mart is terrible. I know that everything in there is way cheaper than you will get it anywhere else, but I also know WHY that is—price gouging and cheating their employees out of health insurance are their main strategies, but, of course, there’s a lot more unnecessarily evil things they are doing.

I ran the search on TVs, and now I have to sit here and know that they have this well-reviewed 19 inch Sharp for about 75% of what other stores are charging for similar products. I want to show integrity and not buy my cheap TV off the backs of the working poor.

But I’M poor! I’m a soon-to-be-unemployed grad student! I hem and haw about whether I really need to buy the name-brand cheese or not!

But…Wal-Mart Watch! Nickel and Dimed!

Now I feel bad for wanting the extra TV at all.

The Great X-Files Rewatch: Season One, Part One

Initial Thoughts

So I’m about halfway through the first season of The X-Files right now. (If my academic work were finished I would probably be done with the whole series at this point. Right now I’m basically on an episode reward system and plodding slowly through.) Though something like seventeen years has passed since the first season of this show (1993, people) it’s only been around five or six years since I’ve seen it. At that time, the show was in pretty regular rotation on SciFi and TNT, and I watched all the time. (Specifically, I think that episodes aired at 5 and 6pm on weekdays, and that I watched them when I got home from work. Foolproof way to get me hooked on a show is to air it in syndication at such a convenient evening hour.)

Still, the first thing that struck me on this rewatch was the passage of time. Why? Notably because Season One is pre-internet. Not only are Mulder and Scully carrying and trading around like, manila file folders with all their research and evidence in them, but the research and evidence is compiled via microform readers! You know those things? They’re teeny-teeny photos of old texts (like newspapers) which you thread into this thing, and it magnifies the image, and you turn a knob to turn pages and scan through the information that way. I have only done this once in my life; I found it fussy and headache-inducing. I imagine people who were in grad school as recently as 10 years ago used to do this almost every day. Anyway, Mulder and Scully are microform experts; they rock the archival research. They also record witness interviews on cassette tape. They still communicate via cell phone, but the phones are preciously large. Not quite reaching Zack Morris brick phone proportions, but …

The other extra-special blast from the past occurs in the second-ever episode, "Deep Throat." Mulder and Scully drove many rental cars of many makes and models over the years, but in this episode, they drive the same car I drove throughout college: a tan Cutlass Ciera.

Look at 'em go!

Click ahead for more about Scully's clothes, Duchovny's acting, and that blasted myth-arc.

Continue reading "The Great X-Files Rewatch: Season One, Part One"

Life-Changing Art

This morning, I was reading a fun story over at the AV Club: Life-Changing Art

Some of the blog writers talk about works of literature, film, and art that changed their tastes fundamentally—that made them say, “if a movie can do this, how can I be satisfied with a movie that does less?” and so on. And I have a few of those: The Philadelphia Story, Flannery O'Connor, Arrested Development.

But somehow, my immediate reaction to this question was to remember my experience with Ang Lee’s Sense and Sensibility.

It came out in 1995, when I was a freshman in high school. Even though I was already mostly an oddball, not interested in skating along with what was popular or cool, at fourteen I was still feeling a selective kind of peer pressure. I had my small group of friends, and I believed that my tastes needed to be in line with theirs. If I took a step in a direction they didn’t agree with—well, they would drop me like a hot potato, wouldn’t they? When you’re fourteen and everyone around you allies themselves based on shared tastes, liking the wrong thing is fatal. The logic is unimpeachable, so long as you haven’t lived to know better.

So anyway, one day I was watching TV with Jamie, my best friend at the time. A commercial came on for Sense and Sensibility, and it was all British, and full of straw hats and gowns and fancy dancing. Please be aware that this was Pulp Fiction times. Absolute baseline requirement for coolness at the time was subversion—drugs and violence and swearing, the harsh, the crude, the angry. (I’m talking of course about popular culture, because in our own lives we were totally suburban honor students.) And Jamie scoffed at the commercial, because Jane Austen was clearly a tool of The Man. Any movie you could see with your mom was officially lame.

As it happened, I had seen Sense and Sensibility with my mom, and I had dug it immensely. And at that moment, all my teenage frustration and righteous anger—and outright exhaustion with the effort of trying to keep up with who and what I was supposed to be—overcame me, and do you know what I said? “I loved it. And I bought the book, and I’m going to read it.” I didn’t hedge, I didn’t hesitate, I may have said it in the timid mouse-voice I was mostly using at the time, but damn if it didn’t feel monumental. And Jamie? She considered for a moment, then shrugged and said, “That’s cool.”

And thus it started. Half my lifetime ago I came to a realization: if I like something, that’s justification enough to like it! In fact, it’s cool of me to be sincere about what I feel! It shows strength, and people respect it! And never again have I apologized for liking anything. My tastes—broad and diverse—are all a part of the strange and sometimes contradictory sum of me.

I have sometimes gone almost too far in the opposite direction, sharing my opinions much too freely. I remember discussing movies with someone once, a person I didn’t know that well, and getting a little bit too excited, and responding to one of their recommendations with, “No way—that SUCKS,” and then having that person look at me very confused and insulted. I sometimes have to remind myself that not everyone communicates this way.

But we all should! I’d like to inspire everyone to express a controversial or embarrassing opinion about art today, and to not care what anyone else thinks about it.

A Condensed History of Project Runway

In honor of the finale of the most recent season of Project Runway, the first half of which airs tonight, I am counting down some of my favorite challenge outfits of all time. Some of these outfits were wins, some got commendations from the judges but lost to an outfit I didn’t prize as highly. The judges didn’t, at least not that I remember, trash any of them (although one was made from trash, hee hee). I won’t pretend that I haven’t occasionally loved something to which Heidi or Michael or Nina was indifferent, however.

Note: I wrote this entry a few weeks ago, and waited to post it to coincide with the finale. I had chosen my top ten and I really didn’t think that any amazing outfits were going to creep in there in the interim. I was wrong! So I am opening my top ten favorite Project Runway outfits with an honorable mention from last week.

11. (honorable mention) Emilio’s circus dress

Damn that Emilio! He has one of the biggest egos that has ever appeared on Project Runway and that is SAYING SOMETHING. He has been driving me crazy this entire season, becoming more and more inflated with self-importance with every one of his wins (and there’s been many) and in last week’s episode, he was grandstanding as much as ever. Sets my teeth on edge, that kind of behavior.

But did you see the dress he made? Holy crap.

The challenge was to make a fashion-forward outfit that was “circus-inspired.” Two designers sent ridiculous costumes down the runway, and two of them kind of boring outfits in circus-y colors. Only Emilio did exactly what was requested (and won the challenge without any hesitation on the part of the judges): he made a dress that was beautiful on its own, but which also was reminiscent of the circus (the stripes, the polka dots, the trapeze-y poof of the skirt). “It looks like the circus! And it’s BEAUTIFUL!” That’s what designing is about, isn’t it? (Now just quit giving Tim lip, Emilio! He’s there to help!)

Having dispatched of that, let’s get to my preexisting top ten!

10. Sweet P’s denim dress

This season four challenge was to create an outfit made entirely out of repurposed Levis. One of my favorite designers from that season, the strangely loveable biker chick Sweet P, started out envisioning a long, flowing denim wedding gown. But when Tim Gunn suggested it was too “hippie-dippie,” she chopped it off at the knee and made the most adorable Little Blue Dress you could imagine. Michael Kors said it had “voodoo” and Heidi chimed in, “Slimming voodoo!” She then said that any of them would be eager to wear it, though she couldn’t speak for Michael. He replied, “Well, with the right shoe…”

Why it didn’t win: Branding. The guest judge, a VP from Levi’s, complained that it wasn’t recognizable enough as Levi’s. They instead gave the win to crying Ricky, who was gone the next week.

Click ahead--unless you have dial-up, in which case don't bother, because there are pictures galore!

Continue reading "A Condensed History of Project Runway"

Trouble brewing...

I have two papers to write in the next five days, and I just discovered that the entire run of The X-Files is on Netflix Instant View!

In this moment, I am desperate for some supernatural investigation and mid-nineties style. (Oh, Scully. The poofy hair. The big burly business suits. She was only 25 in the first season of that show, but she looked 40. Of course, Gillian Anderson looks awesome now, and Duchovny is crawling with sleaze.)

I occasionally catch The X-Files playing at 2am on the no-longer Sci-Fi channel, what is it again? but that's not exactly a prime time to catch up on my high school viewing pleasures.

When these papers are written, I am hitting Season One SO HARD! "Tooms"! "Beyond the Sea"! "E.B.E." and the introduction of the Lone Gunmen! Not to mention the awesomeness of playing Spot the Now-Famous Bit Player! (Oh, right, Jack Black was in this episode! Hey, is that Lucy Liu? I think that high school boy is Ryan Reynolds never mind he's already dead!)

P.S. One of my favorite current shows, Breaking Bad (in its third season on AMC right now! how about some money, AMC?) is heavily populated with X-Files alumni behind the scenes. Both shows are thus similar stylistically even if their content is pretty different. Just a word to those who might not have known of the connection.

P.P.S. And now back to, you know, the work.

Received in the mail today...

• From Netflix: Scarface, the Shame of the Nation (1932)


• An ad for a local Jewish community center gym.


• Two coupons for Bed Bath and Beyond to throw on my preexisting pile of Bed Bath and Beyond coupons.


• Two boxes from Amazon! My "I passed my MA exam" celebration care package which I ordered for myself!
  • One book of short stories
  
  
  • Kill Bill vols. 1 and 2 on DVD (because, though I prefer vol. 2, to have only vol. 2 on DVD seemed incomplete)
  
  
  • the third season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

  

I am really trying not to indulge in any of these care package entertainments right now. I should be working! Instead I am...wasting half the morning figuring out what code to use to nest a list inside a list. (Neat, hey?)

Last night's Amazing Race

above: a Seychellesian tortoise enjoys his 15 minutes of fame

Things you only hear on The Amazing Race (tonight courtesy of Brent):

"The cowboys and the lesbians are back at the place. We had to go get our coconut."

(Does anybody else really want to visit the Seychelles now?)

No Use Lying in the Electronic Age

Oh, Chloe Sevigny! Caught red-handed!

Just a few days ago, the oddly fashionable actress did an interview with Sean O'Neal of the AV Club, where she made some dismissive comments about the TV show Big Love. That's the show she's on, incidentally, the show for which she won a Golden Globe this year.

Well, O'Neal commented about the show being "over the top" in its most recent season, and she agreed with it, but more than that--she ran with it. She riffed on the question, talking about how "awful" it was, comparing it to a telenovela, ultimately finishing on this statement:

Oh God, I know. Oh, God. It’s too much. It’s too much. But I hope the fans will stick with us and tune in next year. There’s a lot of people who really love this season, surprisingly. God, I’m going to get in so much trouble. [Laughs.]

Hey, she was right! She did get in trouble, and immediately announced that she had been quoted out of context, that she was exhausted, that she didn't know what she was saying, and (this is my favorite) that she hadn't even seen the whole season yet because she doesn't have a TV.

Well, that made everything all kittens and roses again--excepting for Sean O'Neal, who recorded the interview and posted a clip of it on the AV Club site. Was Sevigny exhausted? Well, maybe. She kind of always sounds exhausted. That's how she sounds. Was she confused about the question? No, she and O'Neal bantered about it, there was back-and-forth. Did he "provoke" her into saying it? He did deride the show first. But she hasn't confessed to being under some magic spell which makes it impossible for her to disagree with things.

Did she cross some professional boundary by making the comments? Well, that's less cut-and-dried. Don't bite the hand that feeds you and all that. There's a great rundown of the whole thing at The Fien Print. Fienberg asks,

why is it acceptable for an actress to throw a professional journalist under the bus (pretty clearly without cause), but it's unacceptable for an actress to have a clearly articulated and intelligent point of view? Why can't Sevigny just be proud to be smart and opinionated?

Good question. I agree that if an actress doesn't personally love and adore the show she happens to be on, it doesn't have to be a PR crisis. Do you think there's an actor anywhere who would declare, "I am in love with every project I ever took part in! Every movie I made is my favorite movie." Personal taste is variable. What does she really owe her show-runners other than turning in the best performance she can every week? She has to be the show's Number One Fan also?

In my opinion, the most insulting thing she said was actually this line: "There’s a lot of people who really love this season, surprisingly." That takes it out of the realm of "Chloe didn't like it," to "if you liked it you're stupid." But she hasn't apologized for that line. Interesting.

Community Does Mad Men!

Community is getting awesomer and awesomer every week. I can understand why you might not like it--it really doesn't have a ton in common with its more understated Thursday night neighbors The Office and Parks and Recreation--it's more of a whip-fast smart-silly like 30 Rock.

I'm a Renaissance woman so I enjoy both of those types of shows. But of the three of them that aired last night (30 Rock was shuffled off so Jim and Pam could have a full hour to birth their baby) Community was easily the funniest. There was a good plotline about Jeff taking pool for his phys ed credit and objecting to required uniform of 80s-style short-shorts (I won't go into how that story wraps up because you've got to see it to believe it).

But the best moment was courtesy of oddball Abed. See, the gang thought that a pretty girl from Spanish class liked him and they were encouraging him to go talk to her. He didn't think he could as himself, so he tried out a variety of characters who might feel more comfortable hitting on her ("I think that one was a vampire") until he settled on the right one.

This wasn't it, but it was my favorite.

The impersonation was SO GOOD that I knew who he was doing before he said so. Right around, "Then you picked the wrong outfit."

The inside joke: Annie, played by Alison Brie, plays a secondary character (she's Mrs. Pete Campbell!) on Mad Men.

Two Bittersweet Stories About Roger Ebert

Certainly my favorite film critic writing right now is Roger Ebert, who in less than 1000 words can cut a bad movie down to size, or build a pedestal on which a great movie will sit. His health problems of the last few years have had severe effects on his body (robbing him of his voice, notably), but that has only caused him to multiply his writing output. In addition to his reviews, he's blogging and philosophizing and even tweeting continually.

A few weeks ago, he authorized a cover story to be written about him for Esquire magazine, revealing very intimate details of his life as a partial invalid. It's a sad and lovely article, making you feel like you're hanging around in the viewing room with Ebert and his kickass wife, Chaz.

Roger Ebert: The Essential Man (Chris Jones, from Esquire)

Today, I read another tribute to Ebert, this one of a very different kind. A writer called Will Leitch describes how he idolized Ebert, hugely insulted him in print, and grew to regret it. It's a really compelling tale, with Leitch in full apology mode. Remember that time Ryan on The Office excused his past behavior by saying: "I was in my mid-twenties"? That basically sums up Leitch's explanation of his behavior, but he is wise enough as a writer now that the story he wrote here is really about what an unmissable writer Ebert has continued to be despite his ordeals.

My Roger Ebert Story (Will Leitch, from Deadspin)

Extras is extra funny

Today, I braved the snow for five minutes to hit the library and pick up some books I had on hold. I wandered into the DVD section browsing for a TV show on DVD that I could use as background noise while I worked on my grading.

In that sense, I failed. I picked up the first season of Extras, the show Ricky Gervais made after putting a conclusive point of punctuation on his original series, The Office (that's the UK edition, of course). Though the show was, in fact, hilarious, I lost four hours of my afternoon to it. Too much funny! Could not concentrate on anything else.

But I can highly recommend the show! In fact, I will surely be hitting the library tomorrow to pick up season two. (What's awesome about Gervais' series is that they're never longer than six episodes. Even though I fritter away my time, it's not really a huge loss.)

The premise is that Andy, a pale, paunchy dude who has crossed the threshold of middle age, thinks that he has what it takes to be an incredible actor. The only work he can get, however, is playing the guy in the background. So, he sucks up to the famous actors he meets in hopes that he will make connections.

In this clip, Patrick Stewart of Star Trek fame regally outlines his script idea for the befuddled Andy.

Breaking my silence on the late night feud!

...I know, people were on pins and needles. I avoiding taking a position on the whole Conan O'Brien-Jay Leno feud, based solely on the fact that I didn't watch either show. In general, though, I find Leno smug and unfunny (and easily one of the worst interviewers on the talk show circuit right now). Thus, I have no problem showing some anti-Jay propaganda.

This is a real promo for the return of Leno's show, with the original music replaced by a classic Radiohead tune. Tipped by the AV Club.

Incidentally, even though Conan has collected his millions and walked into the proverbial sunset, the feud continues--now it's just a matter of rhetoric. Look at these two completely different takes on the guest lineup for Jay's first week.

No Leno boycott as celebs line up to welcome Jay back (from the Washington Post)

Sucky Jay Leno announces sucky guests for his sucky return (from the AV Club)

Snow and Helplessness

Feeling a little out of control this week! Over the weekend one of my cupboards was infiltrated by grain beetles. (EEEEWWWWWWWWW.) We are buried under a mass of snow (and recently named "worst snow city" in the country! aces!) plus the weather has knocked out my cable and internet since Monday.

Thus, this quotation that I read the other day feels particularly apt.

"An absolutely certain way in those days to draw down on one a wretched fate was to claim superiority in anything over any deity; nevertheless, people were perpetually doing so."
Edith Hamilton, Mythology

I get it, universe! Plagues, storms and deprivation have done their jobs. I AM YOUR PAWN. (Now can I have my cable and Internet back? I'm really wondering what happened on Lost.)

Racing to "The Iraq" and Back

The newest season of The Amazing Race begins a week from Sunday. I happened to check out the show's website and discovered that one of the teams is a pair of dating models. Oh, boring, right? Every season has at least one pair of dating models. What makes this pair so special?

Well, one of them is this person:

Upon reading this news, my emotions are mixed. Firstly, people who are dumb make me sad. That people who are dumb can find fame and success if they are also beautiful women makes me angry. That this woman became a national joke makes me...a bit amused, truth be told.

That she has finagled her way onto one of my favorite shows ever makes me suspicious. I guess everybody deserves a chance to redeem themselves. However, I'll say this: you better not be in this to extend your 15 minutes, Vanna! The Amazing Race is hard, man, and people who go on the show just to publicize their careers do not tend to acquit themselves that well. Case in point: that girl who was an aspiring country singer. She did not come out of that thing looking too good. And neither did her boyfriend.

How much do I miss the Whites right now?

LOST! TONIGHT!

I had a busy, busy day, but it was all worth it because now it's mid-afternoon and I basically have no responsibilities to the world at large until tomorrow. Turned in a paper this morning, my lesson plans for the week are set. That all means that I can--and WILL--spend the next four hours watching Lost! The last few episodes of the fifth season (that's where they left off last spring) and then at nine o'clock (eight central!) the first episode of the final season begins!

Yeah, I'm excited.

Here's the schedule again:
8pm-9pm: They're doing one of their classic catch-up hours (for the casual Lostie).
9pm-11pm: 2-part season opener!

Here's the first part of an awesome 3-part interview with (Lost creators) Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof by Maureen Ryan at the Chicago Tribune. Lots of interesting discussion about satisfying television finales (they really liked how The Sopranos ended, if that tells you anything) and how there would be no Lost if not for Nash Bridges.

Also, Lost characters explain how to make a sandwich.

More Lost madness after the jump!

Continue reading "LOST! TONIGHT!"

Narrating My Procrastination (in the Manner of Hoarders)

So I love this show Hoarders, in which professional organizers, psychologists, and cameras all descend upon a home that the resident has compulsively filled with junk.

This morning I was procrastinating on writing a paper, and reading some internet forums re: Hoarders. Like most viewers of the show, I take pleasure in the fact that, because I can see my own floor, I am not a hoarder myself. But then, I realized that my own compulsive avoidance is comparable to that of the people on Hoarders. I started to fantasize (because it's so much a better use of my time) that the show was instead called Procrastinators and that I was on it. Images of me Not Working will be intercut with ominous statements communicating how out of control I am. (On the Hoarders forums they call it the "black screen of judgment.")

It would look like this:

Black Screen of Judgment: Erin has a paper due on Tuesday, which she has barely started.

Cut to: Erin, curled up in down comforter, screwing around on the web. The picture of laziness.

Black Screen of Judgment: Though she has vowed that today will be “all about the paper,” she has been surfing the forums at Television Without Pity for the past 40 minutes.

Cut to: Piles of books on Erin's desk and bookshelves. Many have bookmarks in them, 1/3 to 1/2 of the way through.

Black Screen of Judgment: Erin’s schedule was completely open yesterday. She was awake for approximately 16 hours, but did not do as much of a minute of work on her paper. Asked whether she accomplished anything she intended to do that day, she replied that she had done “some reading,” but would not specify.

Cut to, Erin, testimonial: I also loaded the dishwasher. And did one load of laundry. That I haven't put away yet. But I don't have a problem.

Black Screen of Judgment: The paper Erin is having so much trouble writing needs to be just five pages long.

You know, this exercise was very helpful. I think I will always imagine my problems this way.

The Era of the Clip Show is Over (and The Office Didn't Get the Memo)

I was about five minutes into tonight's episode of The Office when I said to myself, "...Are they doing a clip show?" I hadn't seen one of those in so long it took me utterly by surprise.

Remember when clip shows were on all the time? Friends used to air one every season. I think the first one was the episode where Ross wavered on whether to send Rachel an invitation to his wedding, and, once he did, she wavered on whether or not to go. That flimsy 'plot' was interspersed with flashback clips of Ross and Rachel's relationship. (P.S. To all Martians or Amish people or people raised by wolves who haven't seen that season of Friends, DO IT! You won't believe how that whole wedding thing goes.)

The Office did much the same thing; there was some weak premise about some guy from corporate who had to do something or other and just asked questions meant to lead up to clip montages: "Have there been incidences of sexual harassment in the workplace?" Oh my gosh, there have! I won't even talk about the cheesetastic Jim-Pam montage.

Although I never pass up the opportunity to watch the Jim-masquerades-as-Dwight moment again ("Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.") the other 29 minutes of the episode seemed pointless. Thinking back on that episode of Friends ("The One With All the Invitations"), clip shows actually had a function then. Friends wasn't in syndication yet, and no shows were on DVD. If you wanted to see that moment from the prom video episode or whatever, that was kind of your only opportunity. That episode might have felt a little cheaty at the time, but what it did do was remind viewers of all of Ross and Rachel's greatest hits and set them up for the big season-ending wedding extravaganza.

But The Office? Do you know how many times I've watched that show on DVD? Do you know how many Tuesday nights I've spent parked in front of TBS watching their weekly marathon? Let's just call it most Tuesdays. I'm just so used to that show being above average, and not falling back on hacky sitcom tricks. I might be a bit disillusioned now.

Best clip show ever? How about "The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular"? That was a parody of the clip show, and according to that link, it aired in 1995. Let that tell you something, producers of The Office.

Golden Globes Recap

This will be shorter and less detailed than my usual next-day awards show extravaganza. I had family visiting this weekend, and both my mom and aunt joined me for the Globes viewing, so we were able to crack jokes and comment on the clothes in real time, which sort of took away some of the excitement of doing it here. What can I say? SO SORRY INTERNET. We still have the Oscars.

Continue reading "Golden Globes Recap"

Cute clip of the day

Not being much of a talk show person, I haven't been watching Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (nor The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien, nor Jay Leno's failed 10pm experiment--anyone been following that story?) but this clip was too awesome to share.

During a rehearsal, Jimmy Fallon and assorted muppets sing "One." (Please watch, if only to see Animal darting back and forth in front of the screen. I also love the little scatting guy on Jimmy's shoulder.)

Great Moments in Arrested Development History

I had a lot of chores keeping me homebound at the beginning of this week, but I made the best of it: in three days, I made it through the first two seasons of Arrested Development, a show I had seen many, many times before, though not recently. In just a couple of days at my parents' I've watched the majority of the third and final season.

How could I have forgotten how much I was in love with this show? Here are some of the best moments.

"Heeeeeeeey, brother."
"No touching!"
"I've made a huge mistake."
"You're high!" "You're drunk!"
"Her?"
"Marry me!"
"I'm a monster!"

Les cousins dangereux. GOB's segway. The banana stand. A sliding-scale for treason (from light to heavy). Multiple baffling chicken impressions. ("Has anyone in this family ever seen a chicken?") Barry Zuckercorn, Bob Loblaw, Lucille Two, "Steve Holt!" Tom Jane (as himself). Carl Weathers (as himself, getting a stew going).

Plus Gob doing magic:

If none of those things mean anything to you, it's your own fault for not watching it when it was on TV! If you are properly remorseful over that fact, hit up Hulu and complete your education.

Like TV? Like clothes?

If you grew up in Middle America in the late 80s and early 90s, it's possible you spent Tuesday nights watching Roseanne. If so, you might be interested in Third and Delaware, a blog devoted to the fashion of that venerable sitcom. Like cowl-neck sweaters? How about fringed denim jackets? And stretch pants under an oversized man's shirt? What about that early-90s classic, the belted overall? And don't forget to accessorize with bangle bracelets and giant hair. (Tipped by Sling Blog.)

By the way, the clothes may be embarrassing to look at, but Roseanne is still utterly watchable. In fact, I watch it almost anytime it's on, which recently has been constantly. Oxygen does a full-day marathon at least once a week, with Nick at Nite and TV Land picking up the slack at night. Watch Roseanne lead a walkout at Wellman plastics! Watch Jackie do community theater! Watch Dan let his buddy convince him to buy a motorcycle repair shop (don't do it, Dan!) and other great moments in Roseanne history.

(If you catch an episode from that weird final season where they won the lottery and everybody looked like they were on crack, feel free to skip it.)

A Note to My Local NBC Affiliate

Hey, Cleveland-area television programmers! Just living in this town doesn't give us an innate interest in the outcome of the Browns game! Some of us would much rather be watching new episodes of The Office and 30 Rock like the rest of the country gets to do!

Blerg, NBC. Blerg.

This Week's Disappointments in Reality TV

If these seem like old news, forgive me. I’ve been writing papers all week and I’ve just now managed to catch stuff up. Who loves the DVR?

Jen picks out greens, intending to over-salt them

My girl Jennifer was eliminated from the first half of the Top Chef finale on Wednesday night. It seemed like one of those inevitable eliminations, having less to do with the food she produced for the two challenges and more to do with the fact that the judges felt it was her time to depart. During the quickfire, guest judge Michael Chiarello told her “I will be stealing that,” and then promptly awarded the prize to increasingly odious Voltaggio brother Michael. In the elimination challenge, she produced one good dish and one that was too salty. Chiarello explained that it was some Napa Valley-originated salt that she used, which soaks into food in an unusual way, or something, that every chef did that the first time they came across this salt. Totally understandable. And, ‘bye Jen.

I’m not saying that any of the three remaining guys deserved to go home more than Jen did—just about everybody heard about both negative and positive attributes of their dishes, even the winner of the elimination challenge, Big Brother Bryan Voltaggio (who was told that he was stingy with his seasonings, incidentally). I want to cry sexism, but actually I think it has more to do with favoritism.

The judges love those Voltaggios, especially Michael, who savors his own genius so intensely that I can’t believe he can taste anything he cooks. Eliminating Jen also ensures some good ol’ dude conflict. Michael, a typical younger brother, snipes at Bryan because no matter how well he does at anything, Michael can’t make up for those two years Bryan was in the world before he got there. He also snipes at Kevin for daring to cook comfort food instead of, like, inverting sauces and pumping helium into eggs and practicing other acts of technical trickery. Almost every week that Michael didn't win, Head Judge Tom! wrote on his blog to remind viewers that even though Michael did something Oh-So-Impressive, it didn’t necessarily taste better than everyone else’s food. Even though that’s something we at home can’t experience, I like that it continues to matter.

I think Kevin deserves the win more, but if Bryan were to win it would torture Michael, so I’m in favor of either of those two. Go team Anybody But Michael!

A stunning upset on The Amazing Race, ahead.

Continue reading "This Week's Disappointments in Reality TV"

My God, Did You See That?

I've missed the last few weeks of Saturday Night Live, but I tuned in last night simply because I happened to finish a book right around 11:30. I'm glad I saw this episode because host Joseph Gordon-Levitt kinda brought the house down. (In case the name's not familiar, or that picture's too small, he was the kid on 3rd Rock from the Sun; now he's 28 and making indie films. The Lookout was good; I hear Brick is great but it's been in my queue for about three years.)

It's a pretty regular occurrence for hosts to sing and dance in their monologue; Gordon-Levitt chose to emulate the "Make 'Em Laugh" number from Singin' in the Rain. If you have seen that movie, you know the insane physicality involved. If you watched the show, you know that he 95% pulled it off, and that's an incredible achievement.

This link to an Entertainment Weekly recap helpfully provides clips of both Gordon-Levitt's number as well as the original from Donald O'Connor. The writer of the recap, Ken Tucker, is very crotchety about the whole thing, huffing that he was not impressed because Gordon-Levitt didn't make it look as "effortless" as O'Connor did. Not to deride what O'Connor did back in 1952, but he had a cushion that Gordon-Levitt did not have: edits.

Gordon-Levitt did the whole damn thing live! He landed BOTH runs up the wall! So he was huffing and puffing a little by the end. Tucker complains that the thing "wasn't funny," but I think he's missing the point. It wasn't meant to be funny, and it wasn't meant to be better than the original; it was meant to be an incredibly bold gesture by a guy who's just been hovering on the edge of superstardom for the past fifteen or so years, and who I expect will be much-talked about for the rest of the week. It was a calculated move saying, "hey, don't underestimate me," and my prediction is that it will work.

(If you want funny, see the last skit of the night, also playable on the EW page. Gordon-Levitt played Lloyd Dobler doing the boombox serenade and Jason Sudeikis played the neighbor who just couldn't stop ruining it with questions. "Hey, whatcha doing? Is that Peter Gabriel?")

Anyway, it impressed me. Watch those clips--O'Connor's first, so you know what the standard was, and then Gordon-Levitt's--and tell me you didn't have at least a little bit of admiration for the kid. (Who is, incidentally, exactly my age but still seems like he's twenty, only because he's been on TV since he was like four.)

Fast Food and Fashion...

...for a Friday night.

from Grub Street New York: Flowchart Helps You Determine What Crap to Eat

"Is your name Jared?" (if yes: Subway) if no: "Do you have more than $3?" (if no: Taco Bell) if yes: "Are you drunk?"

Thanks to the Fug Girls for the tip! (Speaking of the Fug Girls, read their take on the not-with-a-bang-but-with-a-whimper finale of Project Runway which aired last night.)

The Lure of Lost (and TV in the Modern Era)

I am one evening marathon away from finishing the fourth season of Lost—I say this as a person who just started watching it, from the first episode of the first season, in September. I’m averaging approximately two weeks per season; at this rate, I will be more than caught up when the sixth season hits broadcast television in February.

I’m not sure I will watch it, though.

Netflix Instant View has been my source for catching up the first five seasons of Lost. Any episode is viewable as quickly as I can connect to the Internet. (For those of you STILL not on board with Netflix, ABC.com has all the full episodes as well.) I can watch twelve episodes in a row while on the couch, but I can also watch one in the library between classes, and I can watch two in bed before going to sleep. In short, I have integrated Lost into just about every aspect of my daily life.

I’m hooked. I liked the story when it was smaller—the forty-odd plane crash survivors trying to build a life on this mysterious island that is both tropical and riddled with polar bears. Then things spread out—there were bands of scientists that had died of some mysterious plague, there were murderous, mysterious “Others,” there were a whole group of people on the other half of the plane who somehow crashed on the other side of the island. This crew fought that crew, that side kidnapped this person. People were continually knocked unconscious while someone escaped. The “others” began to mix with the castaways, then a whole new crew swept in on some ship with a whole new set of loyalties.

And THEN they started mixing flash forwards in with the flashbacks, and now they're suggesting that the island which we already knew had healing powers also appears to be set in some kind of time warp. (Comparable to the one in my living room? Maybe...)

But here’s the thing—a lot of people who stuck things out from the start of the show were really tiring of this show by the third and fourth seasons. I like to read old episode recaps from Television Without Pity, and while these episodes were airing, people were really getting cranky. The show had been on for more than three years, and people were getting impatient, needing answers. Watchers were also frustrated with what was then the standard TV airing schedule: a handful of new episodes scattered across September, reruns in October, sweeps eps in November, reruns through December and January, another sweeps in February, and so on. Two weeks, six weeks between episodes and people were forgetting what was supposed to be keeping them on the edges of their seats. (It’s worth noting that now networks recognize what they didn’t know in 2006: shows like Lost and 24 are now airing mostly uninterrupted for half seasons, lengthening the time that passes between seasons but shortening the time that passes between new episodes.)

Experiencing a show when it’s new, you get to be a part of the cultural phenomenon. I can talk to people about Mad Men the next day because Joan hit her hubby over the head, or jump on the Internet and read everyone’s reactions to the guy who got his foot run over by a lawnmower. (I didn’t write about that episode, but the AV Club did!) You think there’s anyone who wants to talk to me about Lost now? It’s like I’m walking around saying to people, “Can you believe these iPhones? Fan-cy!”

But watching with the broadcast, you also have to deal with those problems. Everything that bugged people about Lost back then has not bothered me at all. I am impervious to cliffhangers—I just click “Play next episode”! I’ve not tired of the layering of the mystery yet because it’s still all new to me. This past summer, I watched season two of Mad Men in just a couple weeks. This fall, I watched season three, but it took thirteen weeks. You get less immersed in a TV show when it’s a short weekly appointment than when you spend an entire week watching it every night (especially a show like Mad Men, which builds up steam SO SLOWLY, although the last three or four episodes of the season were incredible).

I vividly remember my first experience with TV on DVD, when the Best of Friends video discs (not even DVDs yet!) came out, Christmas of 1999 or 2000. My parents bought my sister and I each our own set, because we were spoiled. I…watched all twelve episodes in one night. Really. I don't know if at that time I had seen those episodes recently—it’s possible that Friends was already in syndication, airing at 6pm on TBS or whatever—but having the ability to just pop a tape in and watch “The One Where No One’s Ready” was incredibly novel. (I also brought those videos back to college with me, where on one occasion my roommate and I watched “The One Where Everyone Finds Out” three times in a row.)

It’s fun to think about how much the experience of TV viewing has changed, even just within my lifetime. They didn’t even have VCRs when my parents were kids! TV shows aired, and then what? They dissipated into the air? The other night, I set up my DVR to record The Office while I was in class, but it didn’t pick it up for some reason or another. I shrugged it off, because, you know what? I knew I could watch it on Hulu the next day.

Talk about being spoiled!

Some Thoughts on Project Runway

• I love when Tim Gunn prompts all the designers to say, "Thank you, Mood!" at the fabric store. There's something so corny and good-natured about it. If he hadn't become a fashion guru, I think Tim would have made a great kindergarten teacher.
• Why are they doing so many 1-day challenges? I feel like there haven't been many really incredible designs this season, and I think that's partially because they're being given so little time to design and create. Can't Lifetime foot the bill for a few 2-days? I want to see another Chris and Christian avant-garde gown, please!
• I've been rooting for Carol Hannah. I worried that tonight she was getting what reality TV-watchers call "the edit." She's been really unsure of where to go with her design and spoke for all of us wafflers when she announced, "I'm going to commit! I think." But actually, she was getting the perseverance edit, the struggle that pays off, and got commended on the runway. Though she did not win. I don't like Althea, who was the winner, because she refuses to mar her designs with necessary support undergarments. The judges like her, though, even awarding her the win tonight. If I could trade Althea out for Gordana, I would, but the judges clearly think she's too old, so her days are numbered. I don't like Logan or his greasy hair, but he's not going to be a problem anymore.
• Meanwhile, can someone explain Christopher to me? He started out on a roll, won in the first episode, later made a dress I loved which he described as being for a Victorian-era vampire bride, and then he just fell apart. He's been in the bottom two four times in a row now, and four designers have been eliminated so that he can hang around and make the viewers at home laugh at his ridiculousness. He got lucky tonight that his bedskirt gown was only the third worst tonight. As for Irina, I've decided to like that she's such an unabashed bitch. She didn't say much at first, and suddenly a few episodes in, she swooped in to announce that nobody knew as much as she did, and everything everyone else was making sucked. I should hate her--I kind of dislike when people on competitive shows can't keep their eyes on their own paper, so to speak--but she's made some nice stuff (including tonight's dress although Nina thought it looked "cheap") and, you know what, be confident Irina.
• Hey, Uncle Nick from Season 2 is a judge! Yay for him! Heidi is awesome. She described Logan's look as something an 80s rocker would wear, "but not the main one." He eventually takes from this that he was eliminated because he was too edgy and the judges "didn't get it." Sigh. They all say that. He even used the expression "Middle America," which is pretty nervy coming from an Idahoan.
• I usually watch Models of the Runway, the after-show, but that's only because I'm in bed and I don't care that much what's on. Tonight they had like a ten-minute discussion about boob tape. ...No comment.

Tonight's Mad Men: "The Gypsy and the Hobo"

I just watched tonight's episode of Mad Men twice in a row. In the words of Groundhog Day's Ned Ryerson, "it was a doo-hoo-hoozy!"

SPOILER ALERT for those of you not keeping up with the show (i.e., Mom) but Don Draper 'came out' to Betty about his true identity, telling more truths in a row than I believe he has ever done before. This all occurred while his most recent dish-on-the-side waited for him in the car so they could go away for the weekend. He never made it back to the car--did he forget that she was there, or, did he, cool-as-a-cucumber, just let her figure out that he wasn't coming back? Oh, Don.

But forget all that, because none of it was as awesome as the moment Joan clocked her husband over the head with a vase.

This guy's a real jerk, not in the least because when she married him, Joan quit working at Sterling Cooper and is thus in the show less than she used to be. Less Joan = bad. But also, he's a bastard who failed out of his surgery rotation (or...whatever) and can't get himself back on track. Also he's a jerk, he doesn't talk to her, he belittles what's important to her, he fails to recognize the real contributions she could make as a wife, because he thinks women are useless and just bred to sit around, when Joan's smart and super-capable. He's been nothing but trouble for her, dashing all her dreams for her marriage.

Well, in this episode, after another bad interview, which all of her helpful preparation couldn't keep him from screwing up, he snapped at her that she couldn't tell him anything, that she didn't know what it was like to want something your whole life and have it not work out. Which of course she does--it was marriage she planned for, and that he has single-handedly ruined. And then she clocked him over the head with a vase. Oh, Joan.

Note: this weekend I put together preparation for my Halloween costume. It is Mad Men-inspired (think sassy Sixties secretary!) and I am incredibly excited. I have cat's-eye glasses!

Woo. Too much excitement for a Sunday night.

Edited to add: Joan SMASH!

Tune in at 10

They're down to 8 cheftestants on Top Chef and that can only mean one thing...

Tonight is RESTAURANT WARS!

The Most Sexist Season of Top Chef Ever! and the Spunky Blonde Lady Who Might Take the Whole Thing Home (and Dear God I Hope She Does)

I love Top Chef, I do, enough to continue to be addicted to it despite the fact that my personal taste is so pedestrian that I literally had popcorn for dinner tonight. The contestants are all, “Ceviche! Veloute! Scallops!” and I’m all, “Peanut butter! Processed cheese!” and yet, Top Chef and I, we remain the best of friends.

Still, this season has been getting on my damn nerves.

There is one guy on the show this season who is such an obnoxious ass that I’m not going to print his name. I don’t want to increase his Google hits, a number I’m sure he keeps track of in some kind of retro little black book that also has the phone numbers of his favorite escort services and the female cousin he took to his prom. Anyway, this guy should know that I’m on to him. The rude and sexist things that come out of his damn mouth are so clearly designed to rile people up and grab him attention, and I am pissed that this show is giving it to him.

Even though the need has been more than met, other guys are continuing to step up and be bastards, including one in tonight’s episode who blathered on and on about how his dish was more refined and creative and special than anyone else’s and who didn’t even crack the top four. The only two guys who haven’t given me any trouble so far are Kevin (AKA Beardo, AKA Young Santa Claus) and Ash, the quippy gay guy who seemed like a nice guy but not a very good chef, and whose past-due elimination came tonight.

There are four front-runners right now (in addition to the bastards, who seem to consider themselves front-runners without tons of evidence of this): the Voltaggio brothers, and who seem too intent on beating each other to worry about the presence of women in the kitchen, nice guy Beardo, and Jennifer, who is my girl crush. The first couple episodes seemed to be trying to position her as ‘the bitch,’ overplaying footage of her talking about how competitive she is, and how she’s not there to make friends or whatever reality show cliché the producers coaxed her into saying.

Let me suggest, as Tina Fey did in a really funny rant on Hillary Clinton, that YEAH. SHE IS A BITCH. BITCHES GET STUFF DONE.

Jen gets stuff done

She really came alive in the third episode of the season, a challenge in which the entire crew had to fix a big buffet-style meal for an entire airport hangar full of military people and their families. She had won the Quickfire, the mini-challenge that takes up the first ten minutes of every episode, and her reward was immunity—the “you can’t get eliminated tonight” prize. On account of that, the rest of the group nominated her as the head of the kitchen (there’s some fancy name for it, I forget what it was), who would not make a dish of her own but would supervise and manage and just in general keep everything hot, refilled, on plates, on time. She stalked around the kitchen like General Patton, negotiating arguments over the use of equipment, asking people things like, “Can you cook and have this conversation at the same time?” She was alarmingly impressive.

I wouldn’t be so aggressively girl-power if this particular season hadn’t made it necessary. Women have been getting eliminated twice as fast as men have been—and I’m not saying the judging is crooked or anything, but that the contestant pool was thick with mediocre ladies. If you don’t put good female chefs on the show, good female chefs can’t win, and that bugs me.

The second episode of the season pitted “boys” against “girls” (and yes, that’s what they continually called it even though these are all men and women legally able to purchase alcohol and rent cars) and featured tons of trash talk from the “boys” about how they didn’t feel threatened by any of the women. Several episodes in, the designated punching bag has become older woman Robin, who regardless of how annoying she is does not deserve the vitriol that gets hurled at her, especially when she’s not in the room.

Even super-capable Jennifer is not immune. In the very first episode, when the chefs were milling around getting to know each other, she named the restaurant that she works at, and was immediately asked, without a hint of irony, “Oh, are you the pastry chef?” Without a hint of surprise—or bother, for that matter—she replied, “No, head chef.” No offense to pastry chefs, but yeah, that’s a slight. She’s become the Peggy Olson of this show—I am invested now, and if she loses, FEMINISM LOSES. Even if she loses to the talented and utterly inoffensive Beardo.

(Tonight judge-in-love-with-his-own-one-liners Toby Young compared Jennifer’s dish to a hairy armpit. Strangely, this was a compliment, meant to be on par with a more conventional adjective like “earthy.” She just smiled with amusement and said thank you.)

GO TEAM JEN.

"We're Mad Men!"

I can't wait for Sesame Street to parody some of my other favorite shows! They took the cigarettes, sex, and booze out of Mad Men, so they should be able to take the murder out of Dexter, the drugs out of Breaking Bad, and the misanthropy out of It's Always Sunny! ...Right?

Emmys Day-After Recap

I’ve got my Emmy food (pizza and mint creme Oreos) and I’m ready to go!

The Host
Neil Patrick Harris is totally cool. He’s singing and dancing, he’s wearing a white dinner jacket, and I think he just insulted Two and a Half Men. (Theme songs are getting so short, next year’s theme to the show will just be "meh." HA!) Later: I love the way he keeps introducing people from their obscure early credits (“from the 1987 Afterschool Special…”).

Click ahead for much much more!

Continue reading "Emmys Day-After Recap"

Mad Men: It Returns!

Mad Men is coming back with its third season premiere on Sunday night. I can't wait!

The second season of the show sold me in a way the first season did not manage to do. The show increased in depth and breadth exponentially, I think. The episodes were always textured--they had really careful writing and directing, and they looked great. I read something this week which suggested that the show is setting a new standard for visual quality on television. In the second season, the quality of the drama caught up with the quality of the product.

I've come around on Betty Draper. Betty, chain-smoking, tippling and unwashed, Betty off the rails, Betty fights cheating with cheating! Betty wants an abortion, the second saddest "doctor won't do an abortion" scene I watched this summer (the worst is in A Place in the Sun). I can't believe that January Jones didn't manage to get an Emmy nomination with the emotional gymnastics Betty turned out this season.

My newfound interest in Betty came about just around the time I grew increasingly tired of her husband Don's journey. It looks as though he may have made a turning point after his annoying detour through Southern California. I did love the fleshing out of his backstory, the way he draws support from the other Mrs. Draper. I could not have foreseen that.

I continue to be fascinated by Pete: fighting every losing battle, fighting against his wife's needs, fighting his compulsion to be liked with his compulsion to be a smarmy ass. I did not expect him, in the season finale, to lay his heart out there to Peggy--he doesn't deserve her, and he really didn't expect to get leveled by her, either. I don't love him, I don't hate him, I don't even love to hate him--this guy has to be one of the most ambiguous characters on television, ever. He may be more like a Michael Scott figure--you loathe and pity him in equal amounts, and often at the same time.

Speaking of Peggy, I am desperate for Peggy to succeed, insanely invested in her story. The end of the episode called "Maidenform" when she appeared at the strip club to celebrate with the guys (because she was tired of being left out, and that's where they were celebrating)--I both cheered and cringed for her, while she looked equally proud and humiliated. I like what they've done bringing her Catholic faith into the story, as well; she's really struggling, inwardly, as Don is. Beautiful.

I've also been enjoying savvy secretary Joan, frustrated middleman Harry, and wheeling-dealing dog abandoner Duck.

It'll be great to see them all again (10pm on Sunday, on AMC!) and hope others tune in as well.

Mad Me

Ah, the infinite joys of the Internet.

Remember a few months ago I posted pictures of myself and Jeremy that had been Simpsonized? See the original post here.

AMC television has established the same deal for Mad Men. As usual, I couldn't resist.

Here I am pitching the Jackie-Marilyn campaign to the gentlemen of Sterling-Cooper.

Here's me hanging out with Betty Draper. No thanks, Betty, don't need any coffee--got my martini here, as you can see.

Try it yourself here. And watch Mad Men when Season 3 opens on August 16!

Unconvincing arguments

I've been spending a lazy Sunday morning reading some entertainment forums I like. I was following a discussion about annoying TV cliches, and people started bringing up the fact that TV characters only care about Ivy League colleges. One person chimed in to say that the cliche was accurate for the Boston-based teenagers she knew, then hastily begged everyone's pardon for potential offense.

I hope I didn't offend anyone. I attended a perfectly respectible state college in the Midwest.

As someone else who attended a state college in the Midwest and now attends a private college still in the Midwest, neither of which any TV teenager would be likely to have heard of, this statement makes me sad. Why?

That's why.

Way to wave the flag for us, lady.

Birthday weekend

Saturday: My birthday

Jeremy decided to gift me with two experiences checked off my 30 by 30 list! So thoughtful, that guy. In the afternoon, I went to a massage, which was wonderful, and afterward, we had dinner at Melt Bar and Grilled. I had the Godfather, basically ricotta, tomato sauce and spices between two huge pieces of garlic bread.

Yes, it is literally a lasagna sandwich. A carb, re-carbed.

We came home and, after some debate, chose Spider-Man 2 (a list movie) for the evening’s viewing. I’d seen parts of that movie, on TNT or whatever, always when Jeremy turned it on and I was reading or otherwise engaged in the same room. I’ve never sat down to watch it for its own merits, and now I can for sure state that I will never do so again. What a crap bag of a movie that is!

Sunday

A lazy day. We did some packing, I watched another House marathon, and spent most of the evening letting the precious hours of my life slip away while I surfed the Internet.

On the plus side, I visited SimpsonizeMe.com and Simpsonized Jeremy and myself.

Hee! Jeremy is blond Milhouse! I couldn’t get mine to look like me no matter what I did to it, but I’m posting it anyway because it’s a flattering non-resemblance.

Monday: Memorial Day

More packing! Jeremy went to see the new Terminator movie, and I watched two list movies: All Quiet on the Western Front and Bonnie and Clyde.

Jeremy made burgers and hot dogs on the grill and homemade fries, and we had s’mores for dessert; classic Memorial Day fare.

In other news, we have our new address now and I’ll be e-mailing it around to friends and family this week. Moving day is set for Sunday, May 31! It will be a relief.

Why am I watching this? 2nd edition

Today was Sunday; school is over. I haven't started any of my summer projects or found a job yet. So I had no problem sleeping in until noon today, or wasting the majority of the afternoon (and well on into evening) by watching a House marathon on USA.

First of all, I only watch House in syndicated form; the occasional weekend marathon, the two or three episodes that air on Friday nights--basically any time I'm looking for something to watch, anything, I'll watch House, but I have no interest in watching regularly.

The show is unapologetically formulaic. This is the kind of show where you say—“That’s not really the solution, though, because it’s only 9:25.” For every episode that subverts our expectations (and, to House’s credit, I’ve seen a couple) there’s sixteen that follow a precise template. First five minutes: average person engaging in some kind of average person activity, though occasionally the activity is less average. Next ten minutes, the doctors spar and verbally abuse each other, and declare conclusively that the patient’s problem is Simple Condition That Just Needs Simple Treatment X. About ten minutes later, the patient’s body rejects the treatment in a gross and/or explosive manner, such as expelling blood out the ears.

And so on, and so on, until five of ten, when the doctors discover that, in fact, the patient has some exotic disease brought on by some alarmingly common action, such as eating mildly spoiled food, or using over-the-counter antihistamines. Occasionally it will also be some genetic disorder that lay dormant in the patient’s system for thirty years before dramatically shutting down their kidneys and presenting misleadingly as a headache. This diagnosis may be accompanied with the discovery that the patient is adopted, or that the lawyer isn’t their father, the mailman is.

What really struck me today, though, is how misanthropic the show is--I mean, that's been the hook of the show all along, of course--but this marathon was particularly illuminating about how little the show thinks of women and mothers in particular. It took me a few episodes to understand the day's theme, but I eventually figured out that all episodes which heavily featured a mother character were chosen for the marathon without any consideration of how the mother character came off. This is why I was treated today to the episode where the domineering single mother needs to back off her control freak tendencies and learn that other people know better than she does (actually, there were two of those); the one with the woman whose brain told her to kill her baby (so she did, and then died herself as self-imposed punishment); and finally the one where babies—the need for babies, the desire for babies!—makes a woman completely irrational. I wonder if the network found the idea of a Mother’s Day marathon of a show that hates mothers funny, or if they just didn’t plan well. Anyway, Happy Mother's Day, everybody!

So what do I get out of this show? I like a few of the characters, Robert Sean Leonard's in particular. He's witty sometimes. He's cuter today than he was in Dead Poets Society in 1989, and also I love the classic movie posters in his office (Vertigo! I have that one! Touch of Evil! That's a good movie!). Hugh Laurie is pretty charismatic, although I don't know that's he really doing anything different anymore with the character, just hitting marks at this point and collecting paychecks. (Someone who watches more regularly or more closely can certainly refute me on this point.)

I think probably the show hits me on two fronts. First, there's the horror factor. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac, and this show gives me all new diseases, conditions, contagions, carcinogens, etc. to fear. It's like watching the slasher flick where the guy sneaks up slowly with a knife in his hand: awful to consider, but fun to watch. Second, there's the formula factor. As much as I love a twisty narrative (see my How I Met Your Mother post from a few days ago for proof), when I'm kind of tired and disengaged I want to watch something predictable and easy. This show is a surefire way to pass that hour before Ocean's Eleven begins on TNT, or to put on in the background while I do today's Sudoku. And it's better than the other ubiquitous cable TV staple, which is Law and Order.

Which I also sometimes watch.

How I Met Someone Who is Definitely Not Your Mother

Lots of debate going on about Monday’s episode of How I Met Your Mother, specifically about whether or not the show revealed the “mother” of the title. I’m here to say that it’s not true, they did not; on the contrary, the show executed a massive misdirection, a maneuver entirely in keeping with every other episode of this show, ever.

Cases in point:

The Pilot – How soon we forget. In the first episode of the show ostensibly all about how a guy named Ted pursued the mother of his future children, Ted meets a cool lady named Robin, takes her out, tells her he loves her on their first date, and steals a blue French horn from a restaurant to give to her as a gift. (Events did not necessarily occur in this order.) In the last few moments of the episode, Ted in voiceover reveals to his children the major twist of the show: “That’s how I met Aunt Robin.” Who is not the mother of the children. You’ll watch this episode again, and realize, like rewatching The Sixth Sense, that we were never explicitly told the information we were inferring. Of course Robin’s the mother—she’s a girl, she’s there, he’s pursuing her. Of course Bruce Willis is alive. People in movies are alive unless we are told otherwise.

Need more examples?

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Harper's Island: Sigh

I don't have a lot of time tonight for a real entry. I can say that this show never tires of becoming stupider, or more boring, and that, regardless, I have no intention of giving it up just yet.

So I'll just make a few observations:

Big band music at the rehearsal dinner? What the hell year is this?

Depressed girl continued her record of un-depressed clothing tonight, wearing a string bikini in the first scene. But what am I saying? The bikini was black. Depression-approved. She's also been hitting the abdominizer, from the looks of it.

The "the previous serial killer has come back from the dead and is our current serial killer!" thing? We all know that's a red herring, show, so please dispatch of this as quickly as you can. People watching these mystery shows are not novices, OK? We've read everything Agatha Christie has to offer. Better hope that your ending is half as clever as the ending she orchestrated for And Then There Were None (from which you have borrowed, liberally).

Two more observations, under spoiler alert.

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Tally of accomplishments, vol. 2

Last night, I finished all my reading for my theory course--the reading for today, Friday, and next Monday, which is the last day of classes. This involved reading a lengthy passage by Kant sometime after midnight, which I would not recommend to novices.

My reward: two episodes of The Office before bed.

They're dropping like flies at Harper's Island

I was reading some Internet posts about this show, and one person commented something like, “If I had to go to a wedding that was going to last for a damn week, I would be killing people by the end of it.” For real, that’s a long time to be celebrating someone else’s relationship. Luckily, there are events! Tonight’s episode sent all the wedding guests (the ones who aren’t already dead—oh my!) off on a scavenger hunt of the most boring variety. Later, there was a bonfire. Also a character referred to the groom’s “wedding week,” heh. It’s like those people who spread their birthday out over a week. “You can’t say that to me today! It’s my birthday on Friday!”

But we already know that this show is not shaped for realism. The main indicator for me in this episode was the main girl, who, despite her haunted past and tortured present, apparently decided to get up in the morning and drape a scarf jauntily around her neck. “I’ve returned to the site of my mother’s murder for the first time in years and I’m receiving threatening messages, but my real problem is that this T-shirt and jeans seem so plain on their own… Oooh, a scarf! Perfect. Now to return to my personal problems already in progress.”

Who thinks that Hollywood doesn’t understand how depressed people dress, and who thinks that they know but don’t care?

The clothing in general, I’m afraid, will be joining the dialogue and the characterization as things this show does exceedingly not well. Either the outfit is not representative of the character, as in the main character and her perky neck wear, or the costumers have tried too hard to portray character through clothes. See: the English guy who WEARS AN ASCOT. Want to know what this guy’s about? Well, he has a foppish accent and he WEARS AN ASCOT. All right, character development done. How about the groom’s brother, with his black clothes and greasy hair and the sign around his neck that says “P.S. I am a screw-up! In case you didn’t get it from how I’m dressed, see also my extremely subtle acting choices like skulking around with a hunchback and looking shiftily at things!” Remember the brother from Wedding Crashers?

This guy’s like that guy without the fun. Follow the link for spoilery criticism.

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Harper's Island: My New Weekly Fix of Cheesy Horror

This show is gonna be some awesome cheese, people. Here’s the awesome. It’s cut and shot like a horror movie, a big fancy expensive one. In fact, the first few moments of the show—murdered people hanging from trees and whatnot—were genuinely creepy. Also in typical horror movie style, the first extra-gruesome death happened before the fifteen minute mark, and then the scenes where something actually happens began to be significantly outnumbered by the scenes where nothing of importance happens. Modest radio hits are playing in the background of every scene to trend things up a bit. Little droplets of mystery are being spread everywhere—someone’s getting mysterious phone calls! Someone else hints at a cloaked past! People “don’t want to talk about what happened”!

The dialogue is terrible, a determination I made two minutes in. “That’s why you’re my best friend!” one character chirps to another, to ensure that all of us at home are clear on the character’s relationships. “How do you not know that story?” one character says to another. “Let me tell it to you at length so the viewers at home have the benefit of hearing it as well!”

Characters? Also playing exactly to our expectations, every cliché accounted for. Otherworldly child? See below. Fat party guy with sideburns? Check! But he does know the word “debauched” so good on him. Mean girls? Absolutely, and they all talk like Paris Hilton and have the exact same hair. Earthy, ponytailed, denim-jacketed girl with the tragic past? And as soon as the director was sure we were rooting for her plain Jane charms, they hotted her up in a pink satin sheath dress! Pill-popping drunkle (drunk + uncle)? Harry Hamlin’s on the job. Sweet-faced groom who’s too good to be true? He’s there and I hope he’s the killer.

Unanswered questions: Why is everyone walking around the damn woods so much? Does the hotel not have indoor bathrooms? Also, why are people talking endlessly about the original murders (other than that they will definitely be somehow connected to this series of murders)? You’d think no one had ever been murdered in the history of the world except on this island. “People died here,” drones the requisite creepy girl who probably has the shinning. People die everywhere, moppet.

For the spoiler report (i.e., what the predictable huge twist at the end was), follow the jump!

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30 Rock and the Comedy Rule of Three

This episode, “Apollo, Apollo,” aired a few weeks ago, but I just rewatched it this weekend and I can’t over how hilariously the gag of Kenneth the page seeing the world muppet-style played out. I’ve realized that the path of the joke perfectly illustrates the Comedy Rule of Three. A basic description of the Rule of Three is that everything is funniest in groups of three. A more specific variation on the rule suggests that the perfect multi-layer joke rolls out by first establishing a premise, next by reinforcing the premise, and third by upending the premise in an unexpected way.

Early in the episode, corporate shark Jack Donaghy expresses admiration for Kenneth’s optimistic innocence, saying it must be incredible to see the world through his eyes. A shot of Kenneth establishes a first-person POV shot and then we see Jack the way Kenneth sees him: as a muppet, complete with power suit and slicked-back hair.

Later in the episode, Kenneth and Jack talk to Tracy Jordan, who has been tricked into thinking he’s orbiting the earth in a space shuttle. We get a brief bit about how Tracy sees the world (everyone’s a Tracy) and then Kenneth views Tracy in the guise of a muppet as well.

BUT! Almost immediately after muppet-Tracy, the joke is stepped up a notch by muppet-Liz.

The way the episode cuts from Kenneth’s POV of muppet-Liz to actual Liz, still flopping around like she’s constructed out of felt, brings a new and unexpected twist to the established joke—just one of many reasons why 30 Rock is, and continues to be, awesome.

The Amazing Race: Strategy, Luck, and The Inevitable Elimination of the Teams I Like

Though I was not willing to admit it immediately after viewing the episode, yes, Mike and Mel contributed to their own elimination on Sunday's episode of The Amazing Race. But they were not entirely and completely at fault. Fourteen seasons of this show have taught me more than a little about how it works.

Mistakes made by Mike and Mel

• They lost the mad dash for cabs getting out of the airport. This perhaps resulted in their unwarranted attachment to the cabbie who eventually picked them up and proceeded to lead them down blind alleys for the rest of the leg. They very much should have ditched that guy at the first available opportunity.


• They didn't listen to the people who told them the gorilla statue they were supposed to find was in a zoo; they did, however, listen to people who said the gorilla was on a beach.


• They let themselves get driven by their bad cabbie all the way to the beach.

Understandable mistakes made by Mike and Mel (places where their logic didn't serve them)

• Apparently, the first few people who they asked about the gorilla said, "I don't know, the zoo?" making the guys think it was a default guess; assuming it wouldn't be that obvious, they sought a different answer.


• They noticed other teams heading in the opposite direction as they were headed, and made a conscious decision not to follow the group like lemmings. This is an admirable move in a race where contestants frequently tail each other to avoid reading maps or figuring out clues for themselves. This time, it just made the Whites independently wrong.

Things that were totally not their fault

• The leg was designed with no thought-intensive challenges or tasks, which is how the dumbest teams managed to finish in top spots. I don't mind the physical challenges--I think the show needs them--but they need to be in combination with tasks that require logic and reason and problem-solving skills. Otherwise, you might as well just hand the million dollars to the dudes with the biggest muscles. (Which, admittedly, happens most seasons anyway.)

Anyway, even though I can acknowledge that a couple better-made decisions would have saved them, I will continue to find their loss controversial. They were such cool guys, good-natured, with no sense of entitlement whatsoever. In a previous episode, Mel was a bit short with a cabbie, asking him to hurry up; almost immediately, he confessed to the camera that he'd feel bad all day. This attitude was clearly sincere because we saw it again in this week's episode. Despite being significantly behind all the other teams, the Whites made it through the designed-for-frustration tea store task NOT by being bastards and demanding that everyone speed them through it, but rather by being silly, goofing around with the store owners.

You'll be missed, gay minister and bug-eyed, screenwriting son!

Other Amazing Race observations:

• Why is everyone getting into cabs without asking if the drivers know how to get to X location and Y landmark, and then complaining that the driver doesn't know what or where it is? Have these people not watched the previous seasons?


• Tammy and Victor are annoying, but there's a reason they're front runners. In addition to being fairly physically fit (they look like gym rats), they have never once been caught misreading a clue. Lawyers love details!

Websites of Note, 1st Edition

I have tons of websites that I’m obsessed with and visit regularly or more than regularly; I expect that, like “Why am I watching this?” from the other day, this topic will recur.

LOSING THE COW
This short blog I found in sort of a roundabout way; the blogger was a recapper at Television Without Pity (which I’ll cover on another day), then I followed her from there to her personal blog, on which she linked to this blog, which was devoted solely to her weight-loss efforts. Though she updated it a couple of times in 2008, the posts are largely from a few years earlier.

People who know me know that I am emphatically anti-diet, and, while I don’t discourage physical fitness for anybody, I find the obsessive pursuit of it a bit pointless. (It’s like this: I’ll walk the dog and do Pilates sometimes, but I won’t beat myself up if I skip a month or two. And I’m never giving up cheese.)

What does this site offer me, then, that I find so noteworthy? Philosophy, plain and simple. You have to start with the first post, in which the blogger (whose name is Linda Holmes, incidentally, and who now writes for yet another site that I like) explains how her approach, honed over 30 years of lifetime overweight-ness, differs from everyone else’s.

It’s like trying to win a tug-of-war, and you pull as goddamn hard as you can, and you don’t make any progress at all. And it seems like you should be able to do it, but you just don’t. And when you seek advice, you get the same piece most of the time: “Pull harder. You’re not pulling hard enough.” ... Here’s the advice you don’t get, that you should get:

1. Tie the rope to something secure.
2. Walk along the rope until you find the other end.
3. There will be a guy standing there. Kick the shit out of him.

...More after the jump.

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TV Recommendation: The Amazing Race

To anyone who's never given this show its proper chance to enchant you: the new season of The Amazing Race has begun and it's better than ever. I'll save for later a more exhaustive review of the awesomeness that is this show; but please consider these points:

For those who have trouble catching the show in its usual 8pm Sunday time slot, this season, it has been rerunning at 8pm on Friday nights on the Travel Channel.

This season features competitors like teeny stuntmen brothers, a deaf kid and his mom (who are dominating thusfar) and Mike White, the guy who wrote School of Rock, racing with his gay minister dad.

In the first episode, the racers had to transport gigantic wheels of cheese down a slippery hill in the Swiss Alps. Watch and enjoy.

Mad Men Watch-a-thon: Episodes 3 through 6

I said in my last entry that this show was engaging in a slow burn, and I haven’t come here to revise that statement at all. I vaguely remember early reviews of this show—when everyone had seen the commercials with the cool music and the striking images of broad-shouldered ad guys in their James Bond suits and was wondering if the show was worth watching (because…AMC? the American Movie Classics channel that today is apparently airing a Stallone marathon?)—and the reviews were mixed. There was a lot of “it’s pretty, but there’s nothing there.”

For my part, I’m still holding out that there’s something there. It won all the Emmys and everything for a reason. But right now, the show feels a bit remote; it’s offering me a lot of stuff, but it’s not the stuff I want. It’s like the show is Don Draper and I’m Don Draper’s wife.

Speaking of, I’m kind of tired of Betty, Don’s wife, already. I thought a show set in an ad agency would spend more time in the ad agency. So far, there’s a LOT of suburban ennui, the home lives of the mad men and their mad wives. And though I like Betty’s mouthy friend (the chain-smoking pregnant one, played by that actress who got killed off House), I think Betty herself adequately fits the description of “it’s pretty, but there’s nothing there.” Yes, she’s deliberately cultivating that image. I get it. I saw her in Episode 6 putting lipstick on her tiny daughter etc. etc. Yes, I know The Feminine Mystique is still a few years in the future for her. She still kinda bores me.

At least some of the other characters are getting fleshed out—Joan, the vivacious redheaded secretary, has got a plotline, finally. Also, in Episode 6 Peggy (the girl with the bangs who played Bartlet’s daughter on The West Wing) inadvertently reveals her smarts by saying something particularly well-expressed to an ad guy. He’s like, “That’s very funny, who told you that?” and she’s like, “Um, I thought of it myself…?” and he’s like “does not compute…” I can’t wait to see her discover the proverbial glass ceiling. (Actually, I’m ‘spoiled’ as they say, because I know what happens to Peggy further on down the season. Still, I’m enjoying her character.)

It is interesting that, other than Betty, and other than Joan in Episode 6, the women in the ad agency are sort of shuffled off to the side. Their “plotlines” as such are more like longing looks and wistful sighs. Not giving the show’s women proper attention is just as sexist as the behavior they encounter in the show. Maybe the show intends to express the sexism of the 60s through some postmodern metacommentary, both literally and figuratively. Or maybe I just need to watch some more.

Anyway, the details are still exquisite, which is great; good writing is so often in sharp details. Episode 2 (I think—it’s been a week or so) featured a birthday party for one of Don’s kids, where the kids were playing the most realistic game of “house” ever: “get your shoes off the couch!” “I don’t like your tone!” Peter expressed his frustrated creative drive by claiming that he invented direct marketing: “I thought of that! Turned out it already existed, but I arrived at it independently.” Possibly the funniest scene so far was in Episode 6 when Don Draper’s mistress took him to a club in Greenwich Village to see all the beatniks and commies and whatnot. Jon Hamm does a great bemused expression.

Mad Men Watch-a-thon: 1st and 2nd episodes

This show has been enjoying a lot of critical acclaim lately, and I kept saying, I’ll watch it soon enough. Recently, spurred on by (star of Mad Men) Jon Hamm’s recent appearance on 30 Rock as the dreamy doctor who may date Liz, I obtained the complete first and second seasons.

Of course, I’m in school, which means I can’t get sucked into a binge that lasts like, an entire weekend. (And it would not be the first time I’d lost a whole day or whole weekend to some TV show.) So I’m doling out episodes a couple at a time, and I thought I’d comment with early impressions.

I wasn’t blown away by the first two episodes, but I wasn’t underwhelmed, either. I can tell this show is going to be a slow burn, which I like; it means they’re spending a lot of time introducing characters and setting a nice tone, and, if they do the slow burn right, the plot will pick up momentum and head out of the season on a roll.

Plus, most of the things I didn’t care for were clearly symptomatic of the show being new. For example, in the first episode, a lot of the dialogue felt a bit unnatural because every character was stuck saying these hugely representative things. Nobody could talk naturally about the daily business of the show because they were too busy speaking in mission statements.

What I did like: the tone, the music, how crisp and sharp everything looks. I love the closeted gay guy (Salvatore) and his “so people live their life one way and think the complete opposite? preposterous!” Little details, such as those that subtly remind viewers how things had changed since Kennedy. (The best example of this: the scene in the second episode when Don’s wife sees her daughter wearing a plastic bag over her head and gives her the old “come here, young lady,” warns her the dry cleaning better not be on the floor, and sends her off again.) Another really perceptive detail is the way the men respond to the women; mostly they leer at them and glower at them with condescension. But in at least one moment, when some ad business was urgent, the men passed by Peggy without the slightest visual acknowledgement, like she was a ghost in the room.

There’s a lot of sexism on the show, of course—that’s a simplified term for what we’re seeing in that moment. There’s racism, too—there would have to be to accurately reflect the era. What makes a modern show inherently not sexist and racist itself is how it treats those themes; that’ll be interesting to see.