October 27, 2004
An Elementary Lesson in Greenie Dynamics
Don't let the title of this post deter you from reading...
The shuttles on campus (nicknamed greenies) provide the students with a convenient way to reach popular campus destinations. This author and countless others opt to ride the greenie to their 8:30 AM classes as while as to other classes, depending on the laziness of an individual at that particular moment in time. As a seasoned rider of the greenies on campus, I will introduce you to some of the patterns and traditions in which riders engage.
Let me first start by explaining a game devised by the brothers of my fraternity. The game is called Greenie Roulette. Participants in the game are all who ride the Greenie at a given time. The players of the game are typically limited to the brothers. The game starts when we board the Greenie. Instead of sitting together, brothers sit one per seat. After the following bus stops, the person who has the hottest girl sit next to them wins. You get extra points if a girl sits next to you when there are still solo seats available. No winner is formally announced, as the winner is usually blatantly obvious. Occasionally, a disagreement over the winner will occur. This is usually a disagreement over brothers' preferences towards a high-maintenance blonde or a natural down-to-earth brunette. Rarely does the sexy red-head enter the equation, but when it does, she usually has this author's vote.
Now, getting back to the game; the second word in the game name is "roulette" for a reason. There is a chance that when playing, you will get a bullet, that is, a guy sits next to you. This event occurs a lot, especially at a school that is predominantly male. For this reason, players of the game usually downplay this occurrence. However, there is one particular situation in which this occurrence is downright unacceptable-- one situation in which the delicate balance of greenie etiquette is perpetually disturbed. I am, of course, referring to the situation in which a stranger of your sex makes the decision to sit with you rather than with the solo person of the opposite sex across the isle. This situation is met with disdain and is contemptible in mostly all occurrences. The key exceptions to this rule are 1) the person of the opposite sex is absurdly inadequate for your tastes and 2) you are gay. There are times I can understand the first rule, but most of the time I tend to not rely on it as a reason, because I find the argument in it hideous. The second exception is more cut and dry. Like a guy and girl chat when they sit by each other on a Greenie for hopes of hitting it up, two gay individuals will do the same. In my case, when a guy elects to sit next to me rather than with the hot girl across the isle and he attempts to start a conversation with me, I become suspicious. Is this guy being friendly, or is he gay? The result is usually irrelevant, and quite frankly, I don't care. What does bother me is when that awkward conversation does not occur. That is, a guy sits next to me and says nothing. What the hell were they thinking? At least with some guys, the answer is obvious. They chose to sit next to me over the girl across the isle! What does this tell you about that person? I'll leave that answer up to you, but there is no denying the fact that 1) the bus ride will be dull, and 2) you lost the game.
In case you were curious, I wrote about this because this very morning I was the victim of the very situation I just outlined. A somewhat nerdy-looking guy sits next to me instead of the cute girl directly across the isle. To make matters worse, he took one of the last three seats left in the Greenie, denying one of the four hot girls who entered after him to sit next to me. His decision did the following: 1) caused the solo girl across the isle to doubt her physical appearance; 2) caused me to lose the game; 3) denied me the possibility of meeting a good-looking girl; and 4) prevented a girl from meeting me.
It is my hope that by writing this article more people will realize how their Greenie actions affect people around them. The next time you board a Greenie, please sit next to a person of the opposite sex. After you've done that, talk to that person. If you are going to sit next to a good-looking guy or gal, make the best of the situation. What harm can come of it?
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