Gregory Szorc's blog

Rating a Good "Chick-Flick"

After watching "13 Going On 30" the other day with Alison and Cassie, it was apparent to me that I had lost two hours of my life which I will never recover. I'd compare the experience to experimenting with illegal narcotics, but I have no such personal knowledge of like what a trip on these substances would feel. I can only imagine that the symptoms of memory loss, drowsiness, loss of apetite, irritability, lack of a firm grasp on reality, and unconciousness would be common to both.

Because I am an optimist (I doubt this self-characterization often) seeking to better man and society, I feel compelled to share with the world something that I feel will aid my fellow man when he spends time with the woman he is courting. I present unto you:

Greg's Checklist for Good Chick-Flicks

Correct answers are in bold

• Yes / No 1) Do you see yourself in the part of one of the protagonists?
• Yes / No 2) Does the protagonist's quest to find true love force him or her to commit adultery? (e.g. Sweet Home Alabama)
• Yes / No 3) Would your traditional value-minded and southern-raised grandmother object to any scenes in the movie on account of morality?
• Yes / No 4) Is the movie rated G, PG, or PG-13?
• Yes / No 5) Is actual sex depicted? (Shacking isn't depiction)
• Yes / No 6) When with your significant other, is it awkward to not hold hands/cuddle during any part of the movie?
• Yes / No 7) Does the protagonist's quest for true love lead him or her to stop a marriage from occuring?
• Yes / No 8) Are there scenes in the movie that make girls go "awwwww"?
• Yes / No 9) Does the plot engage you to the point that you are not thinking about post-movie "entertainment"?
• Yes / No 10) If in a group, do the guys make frequent quips?

I encourage all readers to take this survey after watching a chick-flick. If you answer seven or more of the questions correctly, congratulations, you have just viewed a chick-flick worth watching again. Please, recommend this movie to your family and friends. If you got less than seven answers correct, for the love of God and all that is holy, please do not recommend this movie to friends and please do not buy the movie on DVD.

Every year, millions of men are tormented by watching sub-par chick-flicks. Please, take my survey and contribute to the betterment of society.

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