Incitatus for Senate MMVI
After swearing that I would avoid partisan politics, I now find myself in the unenviable role of being manager for the Incitatus for Senate MMVI campaign.
Incitatus has a record of political service, having been appointed to the Roman Senate around 40 AD. He was put to pasture after the fall of his owner and political patron Caligula, and has been trying to make a comeback ever since. We think that MMVI is a good year for an Incitatus run in Ohio, since the majority party has been tainted by scandal, and the minority party is a scandal, and the self-centeredness, depravity and insanity of the electorate has fnally reached the depths of Caligula. Neither Mikey DeWhine nor Shagrod Brown could possible win with a real candidate in the race, which is why they've done their best to make sure that real candidates are not allowed to run. But Incitatus learned intrigue from a master, and even Ken Blackwell stands in fear and awe of his manipulations.
We've discussed several campaign slogans. Incitatus had proposed his master's old favorite, oderint dum metuant. but it's a little negative, and with the anti-illegal immigrant sentiment, it was felt that a non-English slogan would be a turnoff. (Plus it's already taken.) "He'll always vote neigh," would appeal to conservatives and libertarians who admire Ron Paul as "Dr. No", but it doesn't have broad appeal. We finally settled on, "Why vote for just the rear?" as something that would exploit anti-incumbent sentiment.
There are some negatives to be dealt with, certainly. Incitatus has a taste for high living, eats oats with gold flake out of an ivory manger, and wears purple clothes and a jewelled collar. But the vark-like gold should appeal to the Indian-American community, and the loud colors and bling should help him in the cities, where he does not have a natural constituency. (Geauga and Holmes Counties are a lock.). Also, there's a bit role in a notoriously violent and pornographic movie. But if Ronald Reagan could overcome Bedtime for Bonzo, overcoming Caligula should be a breeze.
He's already picked up one celebrity endorsement. Mr. Ed is hosting a fundraiser on his California ranch.
I'd like to thank Claire Wolfe for introducing me to Incitatus' career, and hope that she will help get the word out. We're considering t-shirts, bumper stickers, and buttons now.
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