Second Halloween
This morning, my wife referred to Election Day as "the second Halloween."
I laughed, and laughed. then I laughed some more. And the more I think about it, the funnier it gets.
Like the Celtic New Year, this is the time when the dead walk the earth. In some particularly Celtic places like Chicago, they even vote. Terrifying things happen as midnight approaches: major party candidates are elected. The opposing mobs of goblins attempt to make this even scarier, muttering dark phrases like "Speaker Pelosi". Deeds (voting) are done in secret, votes are counted in darkness. Like rumors about tampered candy, tales spread about Diebold machines stealing the election. But the elections were stolen by law long ago, so why does it matter? Candidate talk incessantly about the recently dead, and who will be dead if they are not elected.
And there's trick or treat for everyone. Politicians offer a treat but deliver the same old tricks. If taxpayers refuse to pay for the treats promised by the politicians. they get tricked out of their home and freedom. The treats destroy the health of the body politic, but nobody dares to offer anything healthy; that would either be too expensive or, if homemade, would be considered poisonous. Their chocolates bind up production; their caries-inducing candies inhibit our ability to feed ourselves. And the candidates go door-to-door, too, asking for votes. They have rules about how they can beg, just like municipal trick or treat rules.
Everyone is wearing a mask. Republicans disguise themselves as Thomas Jefferson, Democrats as the friend of the worker, Libertarians as Republicans. Greens wear their ghoul-green masks to hide their red complexion. We know the bigger kids can do more damage if crossed, but they're all just children, and none will act responsibly, though the innocent little Greenies and Libbies are at least teachable. The big kids have already TPed the neighborhood, and now there's no way to clean up the poo they've been flinging. In Detroit Waco, they'll even burn your house down.
And of course, the whole exercise is "for the children". The use of that phrase should be an impeachable offence.
What would happen if people decided that one Halloween was enough, and just stayed home? What if everyone's hopes for getting free candy for mindlessly repeating a slogan ("trick or treat!") were permanently dashed? What if we dropped something totally unexpected into the outstretched bag ballot box? What if Mickey Mouse got a majority of the vote? Why don't we celebrate Election Day like Guy Fawkes Day, but realizing that the treason is above the floor of Parliament instead of beneath it? In short, why don't we just grow up, and leave the games to the kids?
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