So, I took this person's advice and went to install XGL/Compviz... which... uh... didn't work at all. You see, this is an office desktop and doesn't come with any kind of high-powered graphics card. It has an Intel i810 deal. XGL just broke everything.
Next up, I switched back to GNOME and tried out this person's advice — Ultimate Ubuntu Dapper Look Like OSX. Now I'm not such a Mac fanboy that I think all user interfaces must conform to Steve Jobs's vision but having consistency between my Macbook and office desktop is nice.
My fonts finally look good. I deviated from his recommended fonts. I'm using:
Application font: Lucida Grande, 8pt
Document font: Lucida Grande, 8pt
Desktop font: MACGrande, 8pt
Window title font: LucidaMacBold, 8pt
Fixed width font: Monospace, 8pt
Screenshots of my Ubuntu desktop.
One thing I forgot to mention. I can't get doubleclicking a window's titlebar to result in a minimize. The only two options are "maximize" and "rollup." I don't want either. I want the window to minimize. A number of Google searches turned up a lot of fighting between Ubuntu users and GNOME preacher... err... developers/architects, but I couldn't find a hack to make it go. If anybody knows how to do this, it would be much welcome.
One other thing I forgot to mention.
Places > Home Folder > Edit > Preferences > Icon View Defaults > Default Zoom Level: 75%. Makes icons not so glaringly huge.