evolving notions of a mother's place
Societal expectations of mothers have evolved dramatically since the 1930s. Remember the old chestnut that women should be "barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen"? Gone the way of the dodo bird, right? If it were, the Ohio state legislature would not have had any reason to pass a law last year, stating that "a mother is entitled to breast-feed her baby in any location of a place of public accomodation wherein the mother is otherwise permitted." That's why a group of mothers and babies held a nurse-in yesterday at Crocker Park in Westlake. I attended to support their rights to breastfeed in public. The event is covered on page B1 of the July 2 Plain Dealer (which is now available online).
This right has been frequently challenged in recent years. Lots of people still think that mothers with nursing babies should stay home, or go home to feed their babies. Breastpumps, bottles, and artificial baby milk make it possible for anyone to feed a baby, and once that is possible, there's more room to argue that a mother should conform to notions of modesty that have been applied to all women equally in our society. This view privileges the sexual appeal of breasts to men, and argues that mothers should not appear in public when they are using their breasts to feed their babies. It's expressed by comments such as this one, responding to news coverage of a Milwalkee nurse-in:
"Honestly think somethings are done better in a private place and why on earth would anyone want to breast feed in a dressing room, working in retail I can agree with the employees most malls set up family restrooms for this purpose. You take away from business."
Obviously, this is not a view with which I agree. Restrooms are noplace where anyone should be eating. Family restrooms in malls are great places to change diapers, but they do not have a comfortable spot to sit down and nurse.
There's a lot of work still to be done before our society broadly accepts that a breastfeeding mother's place is anywhere...
Here are some other comments on a different news article in Wisconsin which reflect the point of view that breastfeeding in public should not be a right:
"Don't they make pumps anymore? Get real.""you go into a mall to go shopping not to go see a woman with her boob hanging out trying to feed her child, plus I wouldn't want my child to see that, and ask questions when its not time for him to know that kind of stuff yet."
Comments like this explain why so few babies are breastfed -- if moms are expected to do extra work in order to be completely modest, and children are expected to be protected from the truth about how babies are fed, it's no surprise that only 25 percent of 6-month-olds in Cuyahoga County, are breastfed, even though the US Department of Health and Human Services has set a target rate for 6-month-olds of 50 percent. That means that most babies in our county are exposed to the risks of not breastfeeding.
But why not use a bottle when a baby needs to be fed away from home?
Well, for one thing, using a bottle when your baby is brand-new can sabotage your breastfeeding relationship for the long term. Older babies who are accustomed to breastfeeding will not always take a bottle -- my daughter did until she turned 5 months old, but after that, she went on a bottle strike. I'm not the only one who had a baby who wouldn't take a bottle, either.
For another thing, putting formula in a bottle means accepting the increased health risks that go along with substituting an artificially manufactured substance for the human-produced and human-specific milk that mothers' bodies naturally make. And using formula to feed a breastfed baby can reduce a mother's milk supply, creating a vicious circle when even more formula is used, less milk is produced, and eventually, a mother's milk supply disappears.
And finally, pumping breastmilk to put it in a bottle takes work. Figure at least 15 minutes to pump enough for one feeding. Mothers who skip a feeding at the breast and offer a bottle instead will still have milk in their breasts, and if their babies don't nurse to drink that milk, the mothers are at higher risk of developing plugged ducts and breast infections known as mastitis. Pumping is a useful process when a mother and her baby must be separated, but it's not a good solution when mother and baby are out in public together.
Don't ask moms to do all that work just so you can avoid the inconvenience of looking away if you see more than you are comfortable with. Of course, moms should be offered somewhere private and clean to nurse if they are out and about when their babies get hungry, and they want privacy... but moms who are comfortable with nursing in public should not be made to feel shameful for doing what nature intended. The next time you are out in public, and you see a mom nursing her baby, smile and say "thank you for giving your baby a healthy start in life!"
Comments
A comment received via email from Jill Miller Zimon:
Sandy, I'm very glad that women who want to breastfeed in public can, and have women like yourself and others I know to champion this right, and need.
I breastfed all three of my kids for about seven months, no bottles until weaning. I was working with the first two, but at home with my third. I stopped at that juncture for a variety of reasons. But here's what I want to ask in the most honestly curious tone possible: I am confessing to you that it makes me uncomfortable to see three year olds and up, and maybe even kids a bit younger but this is not a firm age so to speak, breastfed. Now - I support the woman's choice as her own to do so until whatever age. I would never argue that it's wrong - I don't actually believe that it's wrong. So I don't want to be misunderstood here.
I'm simply saying that, either because it's just not seen often or because of something else, I find the view of a child that age and size and with the abilities they have at that stage of development, to make me uncomfortable.
Now - I can imagine that part of that may be due to the infrequency of seeing that happening. And I'll concede that society helps us develop notions about what's right or wrong so that even if I say intellectually and say I in fact would never stop a woman from doing so or discourage her, I may still feel uncomfortable about it for me.
I analogize it somewhat to abortion in that I cannot imagine ever having an abortion, but I support the right for women to choose. Likewise, I would never breastfeed my kids at age three, but I support the right for women to choose to do that in public.
So - what do you think? I mean, is there a cutoff? What is the current thinking on age? Because when I saw the moms in the PD pic with the older kids, well, I got that uncomfortable feeling again, that, Wow, three, huh?
Last thing on this note - a friend of my mom's attended a seder at my parents' house one year. She nursed her four year old daughter at the seder table. I was uncomfortable with that though of course never said anything to anyone about it. I didn't feel that it was my place to say so, and still don't. But I have to say, the child's maturity was that of at least a five year old - very bright, home-schooled, talented ballerina (for real; she's now 14 and just a lovely kid - all this woman's kids are lovely) - and I just had trouble with seeing her being breastfed in the middle of the seder at the table.
Of course I realize that this says more about me than the mother, perhaps. But what is your advice? Forget it - just live? I would prefer to have a better understanding.
At what point are other people's sensitivities relevant? We, as a society, have to figure that out in so many situations - not just breastfeeding. I'm very interested to hear your thoughts.
Here's my response to Jill:
Since only 11 percent of mothers nationally are nursing at 1 year, it is of course unusual to see toddlers nursing. My daughter was still nursing five times a day at a year, and got about half of her calories from nursing. By the time she reached age 2, she was only nursing once or twice a day, and hardly ever in public. Still, when she was skinning her knees all the time, it was a better soother for her than any Neosporin with numbing medication ever could be.
Many mothers choose not to nurse in public after 18 months or so, since their children would be able to understand if someone said something unsupportive, and they don't want to have their children make a negative association with a healthy activity. The thing is, though, that the Department of Health and Human Services has set a goal of having 25 percent of babies still breastfeeding at 1 year by four years from now (2010), and we are far from attaining that goal. The World Health Organization actually recommends that babies be breastfed until at least age 2. There's some interesting research by KathyDettwyler, a former Texas A&M Professor, that suggests that the natural age of weaning worldwide is somewhere between 4 and 7.
I do remember being surprised the first time I saw a three year old climb into his mother's lap and start to nurse (it was at a La Leche meeting). Now, though, it seems completely normal to me. I do think that if we saw 2 and 3 year olds nursing more often, it would do a lot to challenge people's socialized notions that breastfeeding is inappropriate at that age.
So yes, this is something about which I would hope we could let others do as they choose. If you see something that makes you uncomfortable -- look away. I really appreciate the fact that you recognize that your discomfort is your problem, and not something that suggests that someone else should change what they are doing. Unfortunately, very few people get that notion in our society.
-Sandy
PS -- Here's a link to some of Kathy Dettwyler's writing: http://www.kathydettwyler.org/dettwyler.html
Stores such as Nordstrom provide luxurious restroom lounges. I don't think its a problem to breastfeed there.