So you need two week's notice?
I almost quit today. I knew this would be difficult, but I never realized I'd have to deal with a classroom full of students completely opposed to the idea of learning.
I left school as soon as the bell rang. Instead of heading out with my friends to celebrate the end of the week I cried on the first half of the 45-minute drive to my condo in Pico and was numb for the second.
After my 3-hour nap, I thought about that resignation letter I'd sworn to type up as soon as I got home. What would it say? "To whom it may concern: I've found your children are hopeless and completely lack any sort of discipline. In short, I give up as they are unteachable." No. That wasn't true. I joined this movement because too many people had already said that to these kids and had left them to hang on the bottom rung.
Then I thought about my 2, 4, and 5 period classes. Yesterday I had students who never answer questions tellin gme what vectors were and how they measured force. I remember thinking "who are these kids and when did they start making connections?" But why then, when I have almost 90 students willing to learn, do I let the lack of success with the other 40 frustrate me to the breaking point?
While I still have more questions than answers, I understand that part of the problem is my complete and utter lack of control of the situation. Yes, I am the adult, but when 30 children decided that I wasn't worth their time it threw out any authority I may have had. There is no reasoning with them - not regarding the consequences of failing out of school or anything - and I've never before had that experience.
I've failed tests before. I've written worthless articles for publication. I've hit what I thought was low before, but I'd never truly failed until I became a teacher.
I know that letter of resignation will continuously write itself inside my head. I know there will be days when I will type it out and then delete it for fear of putting it to use. But I also know myself and my inability to take failure without putting up a fight. I cannot let my 8th graders stand in the way of their own educations. I took this job because I enjoy the challenge - I guess I just forgot (or never knew) what a true challenge meant.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."
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