Back on track, yet somehow derailed...
So it's been an entire month since I added anything to this blog. As I'm using it primarily to discuss my teaching I haven't had much to report in the six weeks we were off track.
It's funny that such an appropriate term was given to describe our six-week intervals of vacation. While it might seem like a favorable (and necessary) break, it only causes chaos when you're trying to catch kids up on the 7 weeks worth of material they missed at the beginning of the semester. Our semester technically ended on November 11, but there was still so much left to cover.
So now that I'm back on track, I feel less prepared for my students than when I first started. Not only have they forgotten almost everything we covered in the first semester (which is great since the state exam is cumulative), but their teacher isn't 2 weeks fresh off the job at one of the craziest middle schools in Watts.
I feel inadequate and most of that's my own fault. No one told me to galavant around the world over break or spend several days lounging about my parents' house in Phoenix. I should have had the entire semester planned out when I returned, and instead, I've been cramming what I can into the last two weekends.
I gave the kids off-track homework, and like their teacher, they didn't do it. And while I didn't meet my own expectations, I feel like a hypocrite for reprimanding them.
So now, as I beat myself up over my mistake, I've realized that I can't really hold my kids to those high expectations until I expect it from myself.
On an entirely unrelated note, I got sick this weekend and took my second sick day of the year.... Let's see how tomorrow goes.
On another note, I talked to my kids about goals on the first day back. They groaned at me and joked about how all their teachers were doing the same thing. They groaned until I used the story of my cousin's murder as an example of why they need to have goals. I told them how it was one thing to graduate high school - which is a great goal in and of itself - but it was another to know what you were going to do after that. It's not enough to reach that goal in South Central. That just means you're still there, struggling like everyone else. I told them that they needed to leave at some point, because the area wasn't getting any better. I told them it would stay that way until they could come back educated to make a difference.
I don't know if my kids heard any of it. As soon as I started speaking, my voice quivering, my classroom went dead silent. Some of them shook their heads, some of them gasped, others lowered their heads in remembrance of their fallen friends and family. Whether they heard it or not, the fact that I shared it with them made me feel so much better. I wish it hadn't taken the death of my cousin to make them understand how much I cared; to make me realize that I needed to share my experiences with them. Now I know they that need to hear it. They need to know that we are alike - at least enough to give them hope for the future.
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