When we become tired, our writing becomes bloated; this is often an attempt to artificially increase the length of our sentences. Powerful sentences are succinct. But they are not choppy. One must first untangle a sentence before it can be pruned and allowed to flourish. Here is a typical twilight sentence:

Wars come and go, and, as such, different periods in history arise, because few things can cause such a change as a major war.

This sentence can quickly be made clearer by making the main subject (currently Wars) the same as the main actor (different periods):

Different periods in history arise as wars come and go because few things can cause such a change as a major war.

The sentence now flows logically, but the thought it expresses is a bit elementary, which was partially disguised previously by awkward wording. Seemingly simple concepts need not be suppressed, but should not parade as profundity. This same idea could be expressed in fewer words:

Every epoch is defined by its war.

The above revision is concise, but a bit enigmatic. We could achieve a different tone by intertwining this thought with a metaphor:

Historical eras are born of wars, nursed by the blood of the fallen and the ink of historians.

This revision has imagery the original lacked, but creates a tone that might be difficult to maintain throughout the essay. Usually, the easiest and most appropriate method to improve an exceedingly simple sentence is to combine it with another simple sentence from the same paragraph:

In order to study different eras, historians will often examine the wars that defined them.

This revision may be considered ideal because it sounds the most natural. In general, make sure the number of words in a sentence is justified by the number of concepts expressed.

The composition of an exhausted author bores the reader into sleep. However, appropriately polished prose will persuade the reader more than tired truths. As you edit your essay, critically examine each sentence. Experiment with alternate wordings and see if a better sentence evolves. Speak it out loud and hear if it sounds natural. Above all, never forget that sound logic is often indistinguishable from that which sounds logical.

"Revise?" you say. "I thought my paper was pretty decent while I wrote it... and I did my best and I don't think I could do any better. Besides which, I just finished writing this monster. The last thing I want to do is read it over again... after all, it's 10 pages long!" After a moment's thought, you add, "I don't even know how to go about revising anyway..."

Fear not, my friend. There are ways to tackle this beast called Revision.

Here's a funny coincidence of the English language. "Revision" comes from "revise," but by one of those strange and happy occurrences, the noun form of the word can give us a hint about how to do the verb. Re-vision. Look at it again. "OK," you say, "I knew that already. So what?" So, you should look at it with fresh eyes. That means setting it aside for 24 hours or more before you read it over. Why? Because after a while, you will recover from being tired of writing this assignment, and you won't be thinking, "I'm so sick of this paper!" while you reread it. Instead, you can focus on the organization and flow of your writing. Also, you'll be better able to detect places where you did not clearly explain your thinking (which was so clear to you while you were writing it!), or maybe you'll be able to come up with that one word that escaped you while you were writing.

But I can hear you laughing now, "Silly! I always finish my papers an hour before they're due... I would never have time to set it aside for a day before revising it!" Well, though I would encourage you to try to finish earlier than that, I can certainly understand where you're coming from. And don't worry, there are still more strategies for revising, which don't take 24 hours.

As you reread your paper, try reading it out loud. Don't just whisper it quickly ("themosttellingcomponentofthisimageisitsdrabcolorpalette...") because that won't help as much as if you read it in a slow speaking voice. Pretend you're presenting your paper; read it like you're making a speech. (Don't be embarrassed; let your roommates hear what a great paper you wrote! Maybe they'll even have some good input about how you can revise it.) The point of reading out loud is to slow you down so that you actually read what's on the page, instead of what you know should be on the page. This will help you to catch places where you left out a word (which often happens to the best of us!), where you used the wrong word or the wrong form of the word, or other such mistakes. Also, reading your paper out loud will help you to pick out awkwardly phrased sentences ("That doesn't sound quite right..."), overly long sentences ("If it took me three breaths to get through this sentence, maybe I need to cut it down..."), or excessive repetition ("I used 'good' five times in two sentences... maybe I need to find some more descriptive words..."). If you find that reading out loud doesn't slow you down enough, try reading the entire thing out loud and backwards, word by word.

There are lots of other strategies you can try too. If you've been fighting with the phrasing of a sentence or two, try asking a friend if what you've written is clear. If you know that you've had trouble with homonyms in the past, use Control + F (if you're writing in Word) to search for all the instances of the troublesome words (such as "their," "there," and "they're") so you can check specifically to make sure you used them correctly. If you're struggling with a particular grammatical issue, try looking in a writing guide. We even wrote one just for you, and we put it online at http://studentaffairs.case.edu/education/resources/sagesguide/. Of course, you can always schedule an appointment with the SAGES Peer Writing Crew, and we would love to help you out!

Whenever you write, keep in mind that no matter how good your ideas are, people are less likely to listen to what you think if you don't communicate your thoughts clearly. Though it's sad, it's a fact that if you have a lot of small mistakes in your writing, you are less likely to be given credit for good thinking than if your writing is polished and professional. Therefore, go forth and revise, and knock 'em dead!

The most common way to find out how to use idioms is to hear them from native speakers (friends, movies, teachers, etc.) and then experiment with them yourself. While this method will undoubtedly work, it is not quick and lends a sense of dependency. Fortunately, it is possible to tell if an idiom is incorrect using online concordances. These concordances contain a massive database of English prose (not literature, but more mundane writings such as newspaper articles). The user is able to search this collection for any word or phrase they desire. For the most part, idioms are pre-constructed phrases that have little variation. If an idiom is constructed improperly there will be few results, but if constructed correctly there will be plenty. Of course, it is important to examine the sentences generated by each search to see how the phrase is used and its connotation. One final note before continuing, online concordances are not typical search engines; they generally use a subset of the Regular Expression query syntax. This means that you cannot simply type in the phrase like you would for Google. Each word in the phrase is joined with a +. For example, a search for “in my opinion” would be written in+my+opinion. Of course, this can also be written “in your opinion”, “in his opinion”, “in her opinion”, “in our opinion”, or “in their opinion” yet it is the same basic idiom. To have a more inclusive search we would type in+1opinion. This allows one extra word to come between “in” and “opinion”. Changing this number changes the amount of words that can separate the terms joined by the +. However, if the idiom is common enough, there will be a large number of results using simply in+my+opinion.

Now that you know how to search a concordance, go to Collin's Concordance. There are two text input bars on this page, but for this blog entry we will only use the first one. To use this site, you must let it through any pop-up blockers you have enabled. Also, the number of characters in each result can be modified using the “+” and “–“ buttons directly below “Show Concs” button. This site is only a demo, so it will only display 40 results at the most. Fortunately, this is enough for our purposes.

One of the most common mistakes I see is the confusion of an idiom's preposition. A recent paper contained the sentence “For my opinion, having plastic surgery is good”. This author may not have been sure whether to write “For my opinion” or “In my opinion”. Rather than flip a coin, let’s make an educated guess. Type in+my+opinion into the first text bar and hit enter. You will have to make sure your pop-up blocker does not prevent pop-ups from this site. Look at the pop-up window and see how many search results were obtained: 40 (the maximum). Since there are 40 results, the phrase “in my opinion” is probably used in English. You should examine each result to find out how it is used. In particular, notice how it is often used at the start of a sentence or independent clause. Now type in for+my+opinion and hit enter. This time, you probably only got one result. These few results indicate that it is probably not a commonly used idiom, even though it may be grammatically correct. In this case, the “opinion” is the indirect object of the verb “ask”. This is not the same sense the author intended. Since the author did not make “opinion” the indirect object of anything, it is more probable that “in my opinion” is the proper idiom to use.

In summary, this site can reveal whether a given phrasing is correct for a particular idiom. If there are no or very few sentences using your phrase, it is probably not an idiom as you have phrased it. It is crucial to remember to see how the phrase is used in the example sentences. The more research you put into your writing, the more effortlessly natural it will seem.

IN PERSON
You can make an appointment with us, or just walk in and ask for help! To find out when the Crew is available, use your Case ID (abc123) and password to log in to http://tutortrac.case.edu. Right at the top of the page, where it says "Go to..." click on "Make Appointment." Enter a range of dates for when you would like to have your appointment, and under "Or, select a Center:" click on "SAGES Writing Crew." Choose the appropriate class from the lower list and click Search. The bottom of the page will fill with a list of open time slots, telling you when you can meet with a Crew member!

EMAIL
If you're more electronically inclined, you can also contact the Crew through email! Send your paper to sageswritingcrew@gmail.com, along with a description of your assignment. We check our email once a day, so you'll get a prompt reply!

AIM
Need instant help? You can use AOL Instant Messenger to talk to us as well! Add SAGESWritingCrew to your Buddy List, and someone will be on hand to answer your writing questions, Sunday - Thursday, 9 pm - 11 pm!

ONLINE WRITING GUIDE
If you happen to prefer self-help, we have an excellent resource for you in the form of Beyond Typing, a student-written online writing guide, which can be found at http://ess.case.edu/sagesguide. You'll find answers to common writing questions there, as well as tips for writing well. Check it out; you might find that you don't even have to talk to a Crew member to have your questions answered!

However you prefer to get help with writing, the SAGES Peer Writing Crew is on hand and ready to assist you. Good luck with the new semester, and we hope to see you soon!

Sometimes it can be difficult; it can be hard to take the holistic approach in such an out-of-context way. Take this convo for example (copy-pasted from my archives):

Student: can i just copy and paste a sentence
SAGESWritingCrew: sure
Student: and u can tell me if u like it or not
SAGESWritingCrew: yep
Student: Mr. Walter contends that the debasement of sports began at the top. The owners, not true sports fans, started sports on the slippery slope of commercialization.
SAGESWritingCrew: well i can't just tell you if I like it or not, because it makes absolutely no sense pulled out of context. what are you trying to communicate in the sentence? can you say it in another way so it makes more sense to me?
Student: alright
Student: umm Walter wrote an article basically ripping sports saying that most athletes and owners were too concerned with money to make the game accessible to the fans
Student: so i am basically defending the athletes
Student: does that help at all?
SAGESWritingCrew: totally
SAGESWritingCrew: what about the sentence makes you want to ask me?
SAGESWritingCrew: (i'm asking to get an idea of what you think about it)
Student: im not sure about the whole slippery slope thing
Student: it sounds a bit too colloquial to me
Student: maybe too cliche as well
SAGESWritingCrew: that makes a lot of sense...
SAGESWritingCrew: i think you might be right about that. can you think of another way to say it?

First of all, this is obviously very casual (notice my lack of capitalization). But this is a good example of what we do, and how it’s much harder in IM format. I don’t want to write your paper for you. And I definitely don’t want to leave a paper trail.

I do want to understand what about your sentence is driving you crazy, and how to help you fix it. Sometimes that means I have to ask a lot of questions to get on the same page, but ultimately it’s good for all involved.

I’ve discovered that this an especially useful service when you’ve locked yourself in KSL to write that paper you’ve been putting off and is probably due tomorrow, but there’s no one around to ask. Staring at a sentence for too long can cause hallucinations. That’s where we come in. Quick question, need help brainstorming, hate your thesis? Add us to your buddylist. We can help.

The beginning of the semester is always busy for the dedicated members of the SAGES Peer Writing Crew. We’re hard at work devising marketing techniques, making fliers and posters, visiting your SAGES classes. We’re attending weekly meetings to hone our skills. We’re looking for a giant pencil costume. We haven’t been outside in weeks.

We want you to know who we are, because we want to extend a helping hand.

The first paper of any semester can be harrowing, especially if this is your first year in college. Academic writing may be different than what you’ve learned, you might not be entirely sure what your prof wants or where to start.

That’s where the Crew can help. (Cue theme music from Chariots of Fire)

We are available in various forms, Sunday through Thursday:

-E-mail your paper to sageswritingcrew@gmail.com, and we’ll respond within 24 hours. Make sure to tell us what you need help with, so we know where to start and what to look for.

-IM SAGESWritingCrew from 9pm-11pm with your questions or concerns and we can give you some virtual assistance

-Check out Beyond Typing, the on-line undergrad writing guide penned last year by some of our dearly departed seniors. It’s a great reference for stylistic and grammatical Qs, and it’s pretty wittily written.

-Stop in one of our offices (in Wade or Fribley) for some face-to-face TLC. We can help you polish a first draft, work on pre-writing, outlining. Your papers aren’t our only concern, we want to help you become a better writer! The skills you learn now will help you forever—even if you’re an engineer. So sign up for an appointment at tutortrac.case.edu, or just stop the office. Our hours are posted on the door, and on tutortrac.

We’ll be blogging on the regular, so check back here throughout the semester for updates and our writerly musings.

See you soon!

I attempted to decipher Robert Frost’s “Design,” finding that I had no idea what the poem might mean but that its creation of ambiguity aroused my interest far more strongly than did the presentation of dates and figures in courses on comparative politics or international relations.

Upon a first revision, the sentence is now:

I attempted to decipher Robert Frost’s “Design,” finding that I had no idea what the poem might mean, but its creation of ambiguity aroused my interest far more strongly than did the presentation of dates and figures in courses on comparative politics or international relations.

The difference is miniscule. I placed a comma between mean and but and removed that. That's all. Does it even make a difference?

Yes. In the first version of the sentence, the second half of the sentence is almost endless, becoming quite confusing because it contains both an idea -

I had no idea what the poem might mean

- and its opposite -

but that its creation of ambiguity aroused my interest far more strongly than did the presentation of dates and figures in courses on comparative politics or international relations.

- without even a comma to separate them. That's no good. Adding that comma (and removing that to make the comma grammatical) makes the sentence immensely more readable by separating two opposing ideas into different parts of the sentence.

On my second revision, the sentence is now

I attempted to decipher Robert Frost’s “Design,” finding that I had no idea what the poem might mean, but its creation of ambiguity aroused my interest far more strongly than the presentation of dates and figures in courses on comparative politics or international relations did.

The only difference? I moved did from before than to the end of the sentence. The first way was not strictly speaking wrong; it's the sort of archaic but acceptable inverted sentence that I include in most of my papers. Nonetheless, the length of the sentence necessitates a clear structure, and inverting the subject and verb was probably not the best route to go in creating such clarity. So, I changed it.

These are small changes, but the sentence is significantly easier to read. The devil is in the details may be an old saw, and clunkiness may not be the devil, but working on the details can still make a difference.

The motifs of eyeballs and submersion Minority Report can be read as a dialectic between truth (eyes) and concealment (submersion).

which I consider to be a problematic thesis, and

Though inconsistencies problematize any straightforward reading, the motifs of eyeballs and submersion in Minority Report represent a discourse between truth and concealment.

?

Besides the fact that the the first statement is in passive voice, I think the main difference is that the first is wimpy - saying that motifs "can be read" this way - whereas the second states the truth in stronger language.

But wait, you may say - don't both theses hedge their bets? The first one may say "can," but the second has all this business about the impossibility of a straightforward reading.

True, I would reply, but the first takes as a given that one can create a straightforward interpretation but offers its own such reading in very meek fashion. In contrast, the second says flat out that any reading is problematic, but it offers its own interpretation anyway.

There is a difference, essentially, between the first saying "We can know the truth, but I don't," and the second saying, "We can't know the truth for sure, but here's a candidate."

There are two reasons why I prefer the second tact. On the one hand, the first technique is uninformative. If I ask you what you had for lunch, I don't care what you might have had; I want to know what you did have. Likewise, if I ask for analysis of Minority Report, I ask how you interpret it, not how you could intepret it, maybe, if you were in a particular mood.

More importantly, the second approach - "We can't know the truth for sure, but here's a candidate" - makes two claims where the first approach really only makes one. You have an option under this second approach not only to support your interpretation, as you could with the weak thesis, but to support your claim that no interpretation is 100% correct. More evidence = more content = less fluff required to reach a length requirement = everybody is totally happy.

Now don't try this on every paper. It works best in analyses of books, films, or other texts, because these very often include ambiguity as a central formal element. But when you get the urge to use wimpy language like "can" or "maybe," consider using this alternate approach.

More elaborate content will return to the blog soon.

Your name has been forwarded to us by the Candidate Referral Service of the Law School Data Assembly Service, in which you had earlier agreed to participate. On the basis of your performance on the Law School Admission Test (LSAT), you have been identified as a prospective law school applicant who, on that criterion, has demontrated a capability to contribute to and benefit from a legal education of the first order.