0 comments Contributed by Janette Siu on 19 February 2009 at 14:24

In high school, your English teacher might have taught you the "inverted triangle" approach to writing introduction paragraphs, in which you start with a broad statement and narrow it down to your thesis statement over the course of four or five sentences. While this is not the worst approach for starting a paper, it can lead to a serious condition known as Generalization Syndrome (GS). Students quickly discover that the easiest way to achieve the inverted triangle is to start with the broadest possible statement, so as to maximize the number of topics that they can mention between the first sentence and the thesis. This can lead to openings such as:

Since the dawn of time, all of mankind has needed food.

While this sentence is certainly true, and doubtless succeeds as the "broad" part of the inverted triangle, it is such a painfully obvious statement that there should be no need to write it down. This is an example of GS Type 1: the sentence is so blatantly indisputable that it is entirely unnecessary to the paper. The effects of GS Type 1 include bland writing, superfluous prose, and loss of readers' interest.

Fortunately, if you identify the symptoms, GS is entirely curable. One of the most common symptoms of Type 1 is a sweeping statement that encompasses all of humanity or all of history. Watch out for phrases such as "Throughout all time," "Since the beginning of the universe," or "All the people of the world." (Notice that the example sentence above has two all-inclusive phrases.) Another symptom is saying, "Well, duh!" after reading a sentence. If you identify an offending statement (and it might not be at the beginning of your paper), remove it and consider replacing it with something more specific and less obvious. For example, instead of the sentence above, you could write:

Ever since prehistoric man domesticated the cow, beef has been a common source of protein for many cultures.

Note that this statement does not include all cultures. If it did, it would be an example of GS Type 2:

Ever since prehistoric man domesticated the cow, beef has been a common source of protein for the entire world.

GS Type 2 is characterized by a sweeping statement that is not true. Some religions, especially Hinduism, consider the cow sacred and therefore do not eat beef products; vegetarians would not eat beef either. The effects of GS Type 2 are found in the reader and may include doubting the point of the argument, taking offense, or being distracted by thinking of exceptions to the statement. GS Type 2 is usually caused by excessive zeal in framing an argument; a writer thinks that if he can make an absolute statement (saying that something is always true for everybody, or never true for anybody), the stronger language will strengthen his argument. However, a false statement will detract from a writer's credibility rather than adding to it.

Common symptoms of GS Type 2 are words like "everyone," "nobody," "all people," "anything," "always," "never," and "without exception." Before using these phrases, always be sure that what you're saying is actually true; since very few things are "always" or "never" true, try to avoid using language like this. If you are absolutely sure that a statement is true, check to make sure that it has not been infected with GS Type 1 instead.

If you find a sentence afflicted with GS Type 2, modify it so that it is a true statement. Words like "most," "often," "some," "usually," "many," "frequently," "few," "commonly," and "probably" are your allies in defeating this disease.

Carefully cure your composition of generalizations, and you will have a happier and healthier paper!

0 comments Contributed by Janette Siu on 06 February 2009 at 11:32

"In Other [People's] Words" Part 1 and Part 2 gave a lot of rules about punctuating and formatting quotes, but what is the process of quoting that happens before and after you actually use a quote in your paper? Here's some hints on how to decide when to quote, and how to cite the original works in your bibliography.

When to quote:
When making an argument, you should always use evidence from other sources to back up your opinion. That doesn't mean, however, that you should always include a quote. Over-quoting can make your paper sound choppy, and it can be tiring for your reader; often, paraphrasing will do just as well. Some situations in which a quote is a good idea would be:

1) When the original wording is very unique.
2) When the original wording is better than any way you could say it.
3) When you want to use a passage that has a lot of statistics.

As a general rule, you can remember this guideline: When the ideas are really good, paraphrase it; when the words are really good, quote it.

How to cite works:
How you cite works depends on which writing style your professor would like you to use. (Google the style name and "citation" to find details on the correct formatting.) If he or she does not specify a writing style, MLA is always a good standard to use.

In MLA, there are two parts to citation: the in-text citations and the bibliography. In-text citations are required whenever you get material from another source, whether it's a quote or a paraphrase of that source. Usually, you include a brief reference to identify the work (most often the author's last name) and the page number that the material came from, like this:

Some cows are known to have eccentric personalities and surprising levels of intelligence, which makes them good pets (McDonald 32).

Note that the reference comes before the ending punctuation, is enclosed in parentheses, and uses only the page number (not "page 32" or "p. 32"). You don't have to include the author's name in the citation, though, if you mentioned it in your sentence already, like this:

As Old McDonald writes in The Beauty of the Cow, some cows are known to have eccentric personalities and surprising levels of intelligence, which makes them good pets (32).

The punctuation starts to get tricky when you quote sources instead of just paraphrasing. The citation goes after the closing quotation mark, but you move the ending punctuation to after the citation, like this:

Old McDonald writes, "I have known cows that would have made great pets, because of their oddball personalities. Some are actually very smart, too, which is also a good characteristic for a pet" (32).

However, if the quote ends in a question mark or an exclamation point, you keep that punctuation inside the quotation mark, but add a period after the citation, like this:

Old McDonald expresses his passion for cows when he writes, "Bovine does not mean bland!" (17).

You should ONLY do this if the question mark or exclamation point was in the original text; if you are adding the punctuation yourself, use the first rule (where you put the ending punctuation after the citation).

A helpful website with information on MLA in-text citations is here. Scroll to the bottom of the page for links to other useful sections on this website.

The other half of citing works is the bibliography page. A writing handbook, such as Andrea A. Lunsford's The Everyday Writer, is probably your best resource, but some online resources such as this one can also be very useful. Guidelines for writing your bibliography can be found all over the internet; just make sure that you're looking at a credible website (usually .edu domains are reliable). Also, try to use websites that have been updated recently, because occasionally MLA will make a slight change to the rules.

With that, we conclude our series on quotations... at least for now. Because this is a subject with so many nuances, we could fill books with all the ins and outs of using other people's ideas. However, this series has hopefully captured the most important guidelines and helped to answer some of the FAQ of quotations. Therefore, go forth with confidence and quote! (Or Google the answer when you don't know.)

1 comments Contributed by Janette Siu on 24 January 2009 at 13:36

Welcome back for another semester at Case Western Reserve University, and another installment of information on correct quotation! Picking up right where we left off...

5) Omit part of a quote with an ellipsis or alter it with brackets. Of course, a quote should only be altered for clarification or to make the grammar agree with the quote's place in your paper's sentence; any alterations should not change the meaning of the quote. Going back to Old McDonald's email, you see that he said, "The milk cows are probably the most useful creatures on the farm, because they produce both milk and calves. I love them; they are my favorites because they are such sweet creatures." You could quote him like this:

Old McDonald said, "I love [the milk cows] ... they are such sweet creatures."

Here, you have clarified the otherwise unclear pronoun "them" and you have omitted the part of the sentence that you did not think was necessary to make your point, without changing the original meaning of the sentence.

You could also use brackets to change a verb so that its tense agrees with your paper's sentence. For example, you could write,

When we went to see the milk cows, I remembered that Old McDonald had said that "they [were] such sweet creatures."

However, you can sometimes eliminate the need to alter a quote by rearranging the sentence. The above sentence could be changed very simply by quoting a smaller fragment of Old McDonald's sentence, like this:

When we went to see the milk cows, I remembered that Old McDonald had said that they were "such sweet creatures."

Of course, if the rearranged sentence sounds awkward, it is better to make your paper easier to read, in which case you should just alter the quote.

6) Finally, long quotations should be formatted in block quotes. The definition of "long" varies depending on what style you're using; if your professor specified a style, Google "block quotes" and the style name. If your professor did not specify a style, MLA format is widely accepted; in MLA, if a quote is four lines or more, it should be formatted as a block quote. That means it should be indented one inch from the left margin. However, don't indent the first line of the quote any more than the others, and don't use quotation marks around the block quote. If the phrase introducing the block quote is a full sentence, end it with a colon, but if it is an incomplete sentence that is completed by the quote, no punctuation is necessary. An excellent example with detailed rules for block quotes can be found here.


Another excellent reference on quotations, including the rules given here and much more, can be found here. You can also find information on when to quote and how to cite quotations in "In Other [People's] Words" Part 3. By practicing proper quotations, the pupil can prevail over a paper's punctuation!

1 comments Contributed by Janette Siu on 21 November 2008 at 15:43

Quotations are a nefarious part of written English that often slyly trips up unsuspecting college students. However, the college student can be assured of victory over quotations by remembering just a few simple rules.

1) Lead into a full-sentence quote with a comma. This means that if you're borrowing only a phrase or part of a sentence from someone else's words, you should not use a comma. You might write this in your paper:

In my interview with Old McDonald, he stated that his cows are "very friendly."

NOT like this:

In my interview with Old McDonald, he stated that his cows are, "very friendly."

However, if you're using an entire sentence of what Old McDonald said, you should use a comma before the quote, like this:

In my interview with Old McDonald, he said, "My cows are very friendly."

NOT like this:

In my interview with Old McDonald, he said "My cows are very friendly."

2) Periods and commas always come before the ending quotation mark. This is true even when there was not a period or comma in the passage you are quoting. For example, Old McDonald might have written you an email that said, "The milk cows are probably the most useful creatures on the farm because they produce both milk and calves." In your paper, you might decide to write this:

Old McDonald told me that the milk cows are "probably the most useful creatures on the farm."

Or this:

Old McDonald wrote, "The milk cows are probably the most useful creatures on the farm," explaining that they provide him two things: milk and calves.

But you should NOT write this:

Old McDonald told me that the milk cows are "probably the most useful creatures on the farm".

You should also NOT write it like this:

Old McDonald wrote, "The milk cows are probably the most useful creatures on the farm", explaining that they provide him two things: milk and calves.

3) Colons and semicolons always come after the ending quotation mark. For example, you could say:

Old McDonald agreed that cows come in "a variety of colors": black, brown, white, and combinations of those three.

Or you could write:

Old McDonald agreed that cows come in "a variety of colors"; he told me, though, that his favorites are the brown and white ones.

But you should NOT write:

Old McDonald agreed that cows come in "a variety of colors:" black, brown, white, and combinations of those three.

NOR should you write:

Old McDonald agreed that cows come in "a variety of colors;" he told me, though, that his favorites are the brown and white ones.

4) Question marks and exclamation points come before the ending quotation mark only if they were in the original material. However, if you put a question mark or exclamation point before the quotation mark, there is no need to put additional punctuation. Suppose Old McDonald had said, "What made you so interested in my cows?" You could write in your paper:

Old McDonald turned to me and asked, "What made you so interested in my cows?"

You should NOT write:

Old McDonald turned to me and asked, "What made you so interested in my cows?".

The same thing is true if you are continuing the sentence after the quote, like this:

Old McDonald's question, "What made you so interested in my cows?" made me think about why I had decided to write this paper.

You should NOT write:

Old McDonald's question, "What made you so interested in my cows?", made me think about why I had decided to write this paper.

If the question mark or exclamation point is not part of the quote, though, it should come after the ending quotation mark, like this:

I quickly found out that the bull did not qualify as one of the cows that was "very friendly"!

You should NOT write:

I quickly found out that the bull did not qualify as one of the cows that was "very friendly!"


See "In Other [People's] Words" Part 2 for rules on altering quotes and using long quotations; then check out Part 3 for advice on when to use quotations and how to cite them!

1 comments Contributed by Janette Siu on 10 October 2008 at 13:47

The opening paragraph of your paper holds a commanding position. Your reader begins to form an opinion about your writing starting from the first words that they see on the page... and as the axiom goes, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. So what's the secret to that captivating opening paragraph that will grip your reader's attention and give them a good impression of your paper from the start?

In high school, teachers often instruct their students in the "upside-down triangle" means of writing an opening paragraph. In this method, you start with a very broad statement, and gradually narrow the focus down, sentence by sentence, until you get to the thesis at the end of the paragraph. For example, the first sentence might be, "For countless centuries, mankind has used animals for many different purposes," and the thesis might be, "Although cows are considered useful animals, the public should oppose animal cruelty by refusing to purchase products that come from cows." (For tips on writing a thesis, look here.)

While this method is good for high school papers, college professors are often looking for an introduction that draws in the reader much more quickly. Try to start with a sentence that is more specific to your topic. For example, you could say, "Recently, vegan groups have been attracting more and more followers."

Another bit of advice that teachers often give is, "Start with an anecdote." This is not a bad idea, but be careful that you don't start with an anecdote that takes a paragraph or so to write; you don't want to leave your reader wondering for too long what the point of your story is. If you want to start with an anecdote, try to find one that you can summarize in a sentence or two. If you have a longer story that you want to include, you could put it in the body of your paper; otherwise, if you summarize it in the opening paragraph, you could expand on it later in the paper.

A good opening anecdote might be, "On July 25, 2008, a group of vegans staged a protest outside of Ruth's Chris Steakhouse in downtown Seattle. The group quickly drew support from passersby, until the crowd of protesters was obstructing traffic for a full block in every direction from the restaurant." (I don't know of any such event actually happening, but if it did, it would make a good story.) From there, you could explain that this event demonstrated the growing support for vegan ideals.

An opening paragraph is also a good place to give any definitions or background information that the reader might need to know to understand your thesis. In our example, you could explain what it means to be a vegan, when the first vegan group in the world was formed, who the founding vegans in America were, or what causes brought about the vegan movement.

Some professors like to have you write highlights of the paper's main points in the opening paragraph. If you want to incorporate a "road map" like this, one of the more graceful methods is to include it in your thesis sentence. For example, you could adjust your thesis to say, "The public should refuse to purchase products that come from cows, because of the social, moral, and economic ramifications of animal cruelty." Then the reader knows that you will talk about the social, moral, and economic consequences of buying cow products.

Typically, you would put your thesis at the end of your opening paragraph. The reader will probably be expecting it to be there, but if you feel compelled to put it somewhere else in the opening paragraph, there is no law against that.

Also, you shouldn't feel that it is necessary to have a really long opening paragraph. If you can do it in three or four sentences, that's good! Your reader gets to the thesis quickly, and then they can jump right into your argument.

Finally, you don't have to write your opening paragraph first. Often, it is more helpful to write the body of your paper before you write the opening paragraph, because then you know exactly what your argument is and what you want to prove in the paper. That knowledge can guide your opening paragraph so that it becomes a faithful introduction of your ideas.

That's the end of this blog entry, but hopefully you have a good idea now of how to begin your next paper.

0 comments Contributed by Janette Siu on 02 October 2008 at 19:57

When you write a paper, you put a lot of effort into writing. "Good work, Captain Obvious," you say. Well, it turns out that there are things you can do, other than writing, to help you write a paper. Here's a few of them...

1) Read actively. Often, your professor will ask you to write a paper about something you read for that class. Therefore, if you read skillfully, you'll be better equipped to write well. Don't worry; reading skillfully doesn't mean that you can pronounce all the words. It means that you understand and are engaged in what you're reading, instead of letting the words just slip past your eyes.

You can do this by taking notes as you read, writing down or highlighting important quotes, or summarizing the main ideas of the reading. Just make sure that if you write down a note, you write down which page it was on, so you can find it quickly later when you're writing your paper. Similarly...

2) Keep a bibliography as you go. Almost all assignments will require you to cite authoritative sources in your paper, and it's a huge pain to try to go back after you're all done and figure out which sources you used. Write down all the information you need for your bibliography right after you're finished with a source. There's nothing more irritating than making an extra trip to the library because you forgot to write down some bit of information before you returned a book.

It might be even more helpful to organize your notes by source; that way, you won't have to go back through the list of twenty websites you looked at to try to remember which one gave the particular piece of information you want to use. An organized set of notes can make in-text citations much easier.

3) Make an outline. Many people find outlining to be an effective tool for organizing their thoughts. Write down your main ideas, and then organize them into a logical order. Write down the points you want to make about each idea, and make sure that there is a logical flow there too. As you write your paper, you might find that you need to make some adjustments to your outline, but at least you have a good starting point.

In addition to helping you organize your paper, an outline can help you figure out what content you want to include. You might discover, while you write your outline, that your argument is weak in a particular area, and maybe you need to do a little more research about that point. On the other hand, one of your ideas may not seem to fit with the rest of the points you have written down, in which case, it may be better not to include that particular idea.


If you still feel stumped about your paper, try stopping by during your professor's (or writing instructor's) office hours. Not only are they the ones who will be reading and grading your paper (and therefore, they're the ones who know what they're looking for and what will get you a good grade!), but the only reason they are holding office hours is so they can help you with any questions you may have! If you can't make it to their office hours, send them an email and they'll be happy to set up a time to meet with you.

Of course, you can always visit your friendly SAGES Peer Writing Crew tutor, who would be more than happy to help you out, whether you've written something already or not.

0 comments Contributed by Janette Siu on 26 September 2008 at 14:39

Passive voice seems to be a favorite pet peeve of certain professors. They'll underline a sentence in your paper and write in angry red pen, "Don't use passive voice!" However, they often don't explain what passive voice actually is.

In fact, passive voice can be a little difficult to spot until you've been trained. You may or may not have noticed that the title of this article is written in passive voice. What makes it passive voice, and why is this such a heinous crime?

In grammatical terms, passive voice is making the direct object of the sentence into the subject of the sentence. In other, less confusing words, when you take the thing doing the action and put it after the verb (or delete it from the sentence), and then you take the thing having the action done to it and put it before the verb, that's passive voice. All of that explaining makes a very long sentence, so an example here will make the best explanation.

Passive voice: The cow was milked by the farmer.
In this sentence, the cow is having the action (milking) done to it, and it's the subject of the sentence. The farmer is the one doing the action, but he's the subject of a prepositional phrase, not the subject of the sentence. So your professor would want you to rewrite this sentence in...

Active voice: The farmer milked the cow.
Now the person doing the action (the farmer) is the subject of the sentence. This sentence is better than the one in passive voice because it is shorter and simpler.

The key to passive voice is that it often disguises who or what is doing the action in the sentence. Take the title of this entry, for example. If it wasn't for the little line beneath the title that says who contributed this entry, you would be at a complete loss as to who the author was.

This can be a good thing; when writing technical or scientific documents, you might want to avoid saying "I concluded the experiment at 4:30 pm," and instead say, "The experiment was concluded at 4:30 pm." Another situation in which you might want to use passive voice would be if you didn't know who did the action: "Some bones had been buried in our backyard, so we called Sherlock Holmes for help." In this sentence, the first half is in passive voice, because we don't know who buried the bones. However, the second half of the sentence is in active voice, because we do know who called Sherlock Holmes. (If your professor insisted, though, you could change the sentence to active voice by saying, "Someone buried some bones in our backyard, so we called Sherlock Holmes.")

Professors like active voice because it generally produces shorter, clearer sentences. In active voice, you find out more quickly who is doing what, which makes it easier for the reader to follow what you're writing. So here are some tricks to help you catch passive voice in your papers:

1) Ask yourself if it's clear who or what is doing the verb in your sentences.
2) Check to make sure that the person or thing doing the action is mentioned before the verb.
3) Keep an eye out for forms of the verb "to be," such as "is," "was," "has," "are," "were," etc. If there is a "to be" verb in your sentence AND an action verb (such as "written," "milked," "concluded," or "buried"), that's a hint that you may have written a sentence in passive voice.

If you find a passive voice sentence lurking in your paper, rearrange it so the person doing the action is at the beginning of the sentence. That might require you to figure out who is doing the action in the first place, but figuring out specifics like that can only help your paper. For practice, you can help me fix my title, because I wrote this about passive voice.

0 comments Contributed by Janette Siu on 18 September 2008 at 23:21

The bad signs start when the prof announces that he's assigning a paper today. He passes out the instructions, which cover an entire page in a font so tiny, you need a microscope to read it. But at the bottom is the worst: in large, bold, underlined, and italicized font, it says, "Make sure you have a clearly stated THESIS."

That dreadful, sinking feeling attacks. The Formal Paper strikes again. How are you going to avoid being a casualty of the battle between man and language?

A good thesis is the key to a good paper. So Step 1 in this less-than-12-step program is figuring out how to catch one of those elusive "good theses."

If you Google "define: thesis," you'll end up with a lot of fancy, confusing explanations for what a thesis is (as well as some stray definitions about a movie, a band, a font, and a group of smart Germans). In reality, though, a thesis is much simpler than the textbook writers would like you to believe. A thesis is simply a sentence with a SUBJECT and an OPINION.

Well, that's easy. My thesis will be, "Black and white cows look better than brown and white ones." Granted, this has a subject (black and white cows) and an opinion (they look better than brown and white ones). However, this thesis doesn't qualify as a good thesis because the opinion is not "defensible." I would not be able to find data to back up my statement, because the opinion I stated was my personal preference, and not based on any logical reasoning.

So, I'll change my thesis. It will now be, "Cows are very useful animals." Once again, I have a subject (cows) and an opinion (they're useful). However, this thesis still doesn't qualify as a good thesis, because this one is not "arguable." It would be difficult to find someone who would disagree with the statement that cows are useful, since the uses of cows (they produce milk and meat) are widely known and accepted.

So I need to try something else. My new thesis will be, "Cows model a lifestyle that humans should adopt." My subject is still there (cows) and my opinion (humans should copy cows' lifestyle). I can check if it's arguable: do most people believe that humans should live like cows? No, I would have to work to convince most people that this is true, so it passes the test of being arguable. Next, I can check if it's defensible: can I find information that logically supports my opinion? Yes, I could discuss aspects of a cow's lifestyle and cite scientific studies that demonstrate positive results for similar habits in humans. Therefore, my thesis is also defensible. This thesis has passed all my tests! Does that mean it's a good thesis?

The last thing to check is very subjective, but important nonetheless. Does the topic of the thesis interest me? Do I think it would intrigue someone else and make them want to read my paper? Personally, I'm fascinated by the human benefits of bovine living, and I think someone else would be curious enough about the topic to read what I have to say. So... I have a good thesis for my paper!

Notice that the winning thesis was not particularly long, nor did it contain especially long words. There's no need to make a thesis any more elaborate than it has to be; in fact, it's better if it's simple! The easier it is for the reader to figure out what you're saying, the more they'll enjoy reading your paper. (And you want the professor to enjoy reading your paper, because then he'll be more likely to give you a good grade.)

So the next time you get that assignment sheet demanding a clear thesis, be not afraid. When you come up with a thesis that passes the tests of being arguable, defensible, and interesting, you'll know you have a good one, which will guide your paper to success!

0 comments Contributed by Janette Siu on 10 September 2008 at 23:59

In my favorite book of all time, a boy named Milo travels to the city of words, where he's asked to give a speech at the royal banquet.

"Your Majesty, ladies and gentlemen," started Milo timidly, "I would like to take this opportunity to say that in all the--"
"That's quite enough," snapped the king. "Mustn't talk all day."

Shortly thereafter, the waiters bring Milo his lunch: a tray of the words in his speech.

"Dig in," said the king, poking Milo with his elbow and looking disapprovingly at his plate. "I can't say that I think much of your choice."
"I didn't know that I was going to have to eat my words," objected Milo.
"Of course, of course, everyone here does," the king grunted. "You should have made a tastier speech."

If we knew that we would have to eat the words we spoke or wrote, would we choose them differently? The smorgasbord of choices is nearly endless; words come in every flavor imaginable: spicy, savory, salty, sweet, and so much more. But how to delve into this prodigious buffet of vocabulary?

Memorizing words from a vocabulary list usually isn't the most effective way to learn them, because vocabulary lists lack a vital half of the meaning of a word. The denotative meaning (the one you'll find in the dictionary) is included, but not the connotative meaning (the implications of the word and its common usage). Hence, the best way to learn new vocabulary is to read! Read publications that use more advanced vocabulary, like the New York Times, or read an entertaining book that uses some words that are unfamiliar to you. Observe words in their natural habitat, a place called Context.

When you're looking for that "good word" to insert in your essay and lend it the proper flair, be careful not to pick a word if you aren't exactly sure what it means. Use a thesaurus only to remind yourself of the words you already know, rather than to find a fancier-sounding word that might not actually fit in your sentence.

With that, venture into vibrant vocabulary, and avoid falling victim to a malapropism. What is that? Try doing a little reading on the subject...

2 comments Contributed by David Kent on 28 March 2008 at 08:58

Students often remember that Thomas Edison said, “Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% desperation”. While you undoubtedly write best when under pressure, many students, myself included, simply use this delusion to justify our procrastination. We become like one desperate for a date; as the night draws on, we begin to dictate our thoughts, sacrificing beauty for availability. However, if we are to still respect ourselves in the morning, we should take preventive measures to avoid receiving a rash of red marks a week later.


When we become tired, our writing becomes bloated; this is often an attempt to artificially increase the length of our sentences. Powerful sentences are succinct. But they are not choppy. One must first untangle a sentence before it can be pruned and allowed to flourish. Here is a typical twilight sentence:

Wars come and go, and, as such, different periods in history arise, because few things can cause such a change as a major war.

This sentence can quickly be made clearer by making the main subject (currently Wars) the same as the main actor (different periods):

Different periods in history arise as wars come and go because few things can cause such a change as a major war.

The sentence now flows logically, but the thought it expresses is a bit elementary, which was partially disguised previously by awkward wording. Seemingly simple concepts need not be suppressed, but should not parade as profundity. This same idea could be expressed in fewer words:

Every epoch is defined by its war.

The above revision is concise, but a bit enigmatic. We could achieve a different tone by intertwining this thought with a metaphor:

Historical eras are born of wars, nursed by the blood of the fallen and the ink of historians.

This revision has imagery the original lacked, but creates a tone that might be difficult to maintain throughout the essay. Usually, the easiest and most appropriate method to improve an exceedingly simple sentence is to combine it with another simple sentence from the same paragraph:

In order to study different eras, historians will often examine the wars that defined them.

This revision may be considered ideal because it sounds the most natural. In general, make sure the number of words in a sentence is justified by the number of concepts expressed.


The composition of an exhausted author bores the reader into sleep. However, appropriately polished prose will persuade the reader more than tired truths. As you edit your essay, critically examine each sentence. Experiment with alternate wordings and see if a better sentence evolves. Speak it out loud and hear if it sounds natural. Above all, never forget that sound logic is often indistinguishable from that which sounds logical.

0 comments Contributed by Janette Siu on 01 March 2008 at 13:57

You've finally finished that terrible essay that your prof gave you last week. What a relief that that's over with! Now, just to make absolutely sure that your paper is what it's supposed to be, you go back and check the assignment sheet one last time... and at the bottom, you notice this little sentence that says, "Be sure to revise your paper."

"Revise?" you say. "I thought my paper was pretty decent while I wrote it... and I did my best and I don't think I could do any better. Besides which, I just finished writing this monster. The last thing I want to do is read it over again... after all, it's 10 pages long!" After a moment's thought, you add, "I don't even know how to go about revising anyway..."

Fear not, my friend. There are ways to tackle this beast called Revision.

Here's a funny coincidence of the English language. "Revision" comes from "revise," but by one of those strange and happy occurrences, the noun form of the word can give us a hint about how to do the verb. Re-vision. Look at it again. "OK," you say, "I knew that already. So what?" So, you should look at it with fresh eyes. That means setting it aside for 24 hours or more before you read it over. Why? Because after a while, you will recover from being tired of writing this assignment, and you won't be thinking, "I'm so sick of this paper!" while you reread it. Instead, you can focus on the organization and flow of your writing. Also, you'll be better able to detect places where you did not clearly explain your thinking (which was so clear to you while you were writing it!), or maybe you'll be able to come up with that one word that escaped you while you were writing.

But I can hear you laughing now, "Silly! I always finish my papers an hour before they're due... I would never have time to set it aside for a day before revising it!" Well, though I would encourage you to try to finish earlier than that, I can certainly understand where you're coming from. And don't worry, there are still more strategies for revising, which don't take 24 hours.

As you reread your paper, try reading it out loud. Don't just whisper it quickly ("themosttellingcomponentofthisimageisitsdrabcolorpalette...") because that won't help as much as if you read it in a slow speaking voice. Pretend you're presenting your paper; read it like you're making a speech. (Don't be embarrassed; let your roommates hear what a great paper you wrote! Maybe they'll even have some good input about how you can revise it.) The point of reading out loud is to slow you down so that you actually read what's on the page, instead of what you know should be on the page. This will help you to catch places where you left out a word (which often happens to the best of us!), where you used the wrong word or the wrong form of the word, or other such mistakes. Also, reading your paper out loud will help you to pick out awkwardly phrased sentences ("That doesn't sound quite right..."), overly long sentences ("If it took me three breaths to get through this sentence, maybe I need to cut it down..."), or excessive repetition ("I used 'good' five times in two sentences... maybe I need to find some more descriptive words..."). If you find that reading out loud doesn't slow you down enough, try reading the entire thing out loud and backwards, word by word.

There are lots of other strategies you can try too. If you've been fighting with the phrasing of a sentence or two, try asking a friend if what you've written is clear. If you know that you've had trouble with homonyms in the past, use Control + F (if you're writing in Word) to search for all the instances of the troublesome words (such as "their," "there," and "they're") so you can check specifically to make sure you used them correctly. If you're struggling with a particular grammatical issue, try looking in a writing guide. We even wrote one just for you, and we put it online at http://studentaffairs.case.edu/education/resources/sagesguide/. Of course, you can always schedule an appointment with the SAGES Peer Writing Crew, and we would love to help you out!

Whenever you write, keep in mind that no matter how good your ideas are, people are less likely to listen to what you think if you don't communicate your thoughts clearly. Though it's sad, it's a fact that if you have a lot of small mistakes in your writing, you are less likely to be given credit for good thinking than if your writing is polished and professional. Therefore, go forth and revise, and knock 'em dead!

6 comments Contributed by David Kent on 14 February 2008 at 20:44

Learning a foreign language is difficult. Even after conjugations and syntax have been refined, a vulgar idiom will still poison a paper. Idioms are phrases that are peculiar to a given language or locale. They are part of the natural evolution of a spoken language as an expression of the culture in which it is spoken. Unsurprisingly, those speaking a foreign language in an alien culture find their tongues tied by idioms. If beauty is only skin deep, then so is human nature; a frustrated idiom can strangle a brilliant idea. The final solution is to cleanse your paper of all imperfect idioms.


The most common way to find out how to use idioms is to hear them from native speakers (friends, movies, teachers, etc.) and then experiment with them yourself. While this method will undoubtedly work, it is not quick and lends a sense of dependency. Fortunately, it is possible to tell if an idiom is incorrect using online concordances. These concordances contain a massive database of English prose (not literature, but more mundane writings such as newspaper articles). The user is able to search this collection for any word or phrase they desire. For the most part, idioms are pre-constructed phrases that have little variation. If an idiom is constructed improperly there will be few results, but if constructed correctly there will be plenty. Of course, it is important to examine the sentences generated by each search to see how the phrase is used and its connotation. One final note before continuing, online concordances are not typical search engines; they generally use a subset of the Regular Expression query syntax. This means that you cannot simply type in the phrase like you would for Google. Each word in the phrase is joined with a +. For example, a search for “in my opinion” would be written in+my+opinion. Of course, this can also be written “in your opinion”, “in his opinion”, “in her opinion”, “in our opinion”, or “in their opinion” yet it is the same basic idiom. To have a more inclusive search we would type in+1opinion. This allows one extra word to come between “in” and “opinion”. Changing this number changes the amount of words that can separate the terms joined by the +. However, if the idiom is common enough, there will be a large number of results using simply in+my+opinion.


Now that you know how to search a concordance, go to Collin's Concordance. There are two text input bars on this page, but for this blog entry we will only use the first one. To use this site, you must let it through any pop-up blockers you have enabled. Also, the number of characters in each result can be modified using the “+” and “–“ buttons directly below “Show Concs” button. This site is only a demo, so it will only display 40 results at the most. Fortunately, this is enough for our purposes.

One of the most common mistakes I see is the confusion of an idiom's preposition. A recent paper contained the sentence “For my opinion, having plastic surgery is good”. This author may not have been sure whether to write “For my opinion” or “In my opinion”. Rather than flip a coin, let’s make an educated guess. Type in+my+opinion into the first text bar and hit enter. You will have to make sure your pop-up blocker does not prevent pop-ups from this site. Look at the pop-up window and see how many search results were obtained: 40 (the maximum). Since there are 40 results, the phrase “in my opinion” is probably used in English. You should examine each result to find out how it is used. In particular, notice how it is often used at the start of a sentence or independent clause. Now type in for+my+opinion and hit enter. This time, you probably only got one result. These few results indicate that it is probably not a commonly used idiom, even though it may be grammatically correct. In this case, the “opinion” is the indirect object of the verb “ask”. This is not the same sense the author intended. Since the author did not make “opinion” the indirect object of anything, it is more probable that “in my opinion” is the proper idiom to use.


In summary, this site can reveal whether a given phrasing is correct for a particular idiom. If there are no or very few sentences using your phrase, it is probably not an idiom as you have phrased it. It is crucial to remember to see how the phrase is used in the example sentences. The more research you put into your writing, the more effortlessly natural it will seem.

1 comments Contributed by Theodore Roman on 08 February 2008 at 15:39

This past week, I've had a chance to reflect on the writing strategies that I use most often. Often, I have a natural tendency to want to sound "scholarly". In other words, I use far too many words and far too formal diction. When I realize this is happening, though, I slow down, reread my paper, and look to write as though I were talking to a friend who didn't know the subject matter at hand. I've also encouraged many visitors to do the same. However, be warned: informal speech isn't always acceptable. Sometimes precise, high diction works best. The secret is knowing which diction is more appropriate for a specific prompt.

0 comments Contributed by Christopher Williams on 08 November 2006 at 10:52

So. Two of the most elusive concepts in writing are tone and voice. Where grammar, content, and even organization are generally apparent in a paper, tone and voice are rather more ephemeral. They exist more as a general sense or feeling about a paper, rather than something specific that can be readily identified and circled. So how do you approach something as subtle as tone and voice can be?

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0 comments Contributed by Christopher Williams on 21 October 2006 at 10:23

I just read an interesting post on the Web Development blog. It deals with some of the legal issues that writers, especially writers on the internet, sometimes face. I recommend giving it a look.

1 comments Contributed by Christopher Williams on 20 October 2006 at 10:26

Okay, maybe your paper isn't really that bad, but you still have to do some revision. So how to you revise and edit a paper? Well, I have a few suggestions here from the SAGES Peer Writing Crew. I'll be posting them in serial here over this next week, so check back early, and check back often. These are not, of course, the only strategies for revision, but there might be something useful here that you haven't seen before.

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0 comments Contributed by David Mansfield on 01 October 2006 at 20:33

If given the following (appalling) prompt -

Compare and contrast can openers and true love

- how would you approach it? Would you have a section on can openers, followed by a section on true love? Or would you alternate between can openers and true love, noting similiarities and differences as you went? Or, perhaps, would you combine those two strategies to form some unholy chimera of compostional structure?

My aim is to suggest the ideal strategy, although the short form of it is: It depends.

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2 comments Contributed by Christopher Williams on 17 September 2006 at 23:24

So. Thesis writing is hard. It is, in fact, so difficult that I spent a half-hour staring at my keyboard trying to start this blog entry. This post doesn't even have a real thesis! So no one can blame you if you have trouble writing a thesis. But we may be able to help.

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1 comments Contributed by Christopher Williams on 10 September 2006 at 22:25 Read more »

2 comments Contributed by Nicole Sharp on 27 March 2006 at 20:55

How does one start writing papers? Contrary to what some people think, good papers aren’t born and executed in the single night before the due date. Some papers begin before one ever sits down and opens up a word processor.

Personally, I tend to work out papers in my head before I start writing them. With a twenty-minute walk to and from class, I have plenty of time to ponder what I’m going to write about and how I’m going to approach the paper. As the time for sitting down and writing the paper draws closer, I’ll sometimes start composing sentences, particularly for the introduction, in my head. If they’re good sentences, then I might jot them down in my notebook before my next class.

Other students will write outlines of their arguments and ideas. Some will open up Word documents and keep track of ideas or useful phrases there. Writing down a list of main ideas and then putting them in order is another popular route to take.

All of these activities are pre-writing techniques, and they make actually sitting down and writing a paper much easier. Having a guide and structure to work from saves one from spending too much time staring at the same sentence, wondering where to go from there. It can also be a useful way to ease oneself into the right mindset for writing a good paper.

What kinds of techniques for pre-writing do you use? How useful do you find it?

0 comments Contributed by David Mansfield on 12 October 2005 at 19:28

I love to write inflated papers, where my extended sentence structures and odd constructions result in a great deal of wasted space. This is bad, very bad. Do not do it. There are a large number of writing habits I have that I think people should not practice, and being overly verbose is certainly one such habit.

So, how do you get around it?

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0 comments Contributed by David Mansfield on 21 September 2005 at 23:56

The writing experience with which most people arrive at Case comes mostly from high school. Unfortunately, high school English teachers most often focus thier composition lessons on how to write specifically for high school. The hard fast rules they offer frequently fail to hold up to the increased scrutiny of the college environment.

Here are two habits I've seen from writers that simply will not work in a college environment:

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0 comments Contributed by Nicole Sharp on 19 September 2005 at 22:12

One thing that my six semesters at Case has taught me is that writing education in high school can be haphazard at best. Teachers throw out so many rules and regulations ("You can't start a sentence with And, But, or Because!") that students begin to see writing as formulaic--either a formula easily imitated or as one mysterious and tough to grasp. The truth is that there is no formula for the perfect paper. There's not even one for a good paper. Every paper and every topic has an infinite number of possibilities.

In some respects, losing the lifeline that is the thesis-first, five paragraph essay format is frightening. But (note I start the sentence with it!) becoming a good writer--both at the college level and in life in general--requires letting go of those arbitrary constructs and embracing the freedom to writer your own way.

Mind you, I'm not declaring college writing an anything-goes-free-for-all. I'm simply saying this: writing is like cooking. You're given ingredients--words and ideas--and implements--paragraphs, transitions, organizational structures--with which to construct a masterpiece. College writing is about learning to cook beyond the recipe, realizing that measurements aren't exact and learning that improvisation can lead to a better result. The best cooks don't need a recipe in order to create a delicious meal. The same can be said of a good writer (though I will caution readers not to mistake "recipe" for "outline" when translating my analogy).

Like cooking, writing takes experience with which one gains judgment and insight on different practices. And, like cooking, the ability to write well sets you in good stead in life no matter where you end up.

In the future, I hope to discuss how to move beyond the high school level when writing. I invite both readers of the blog and my fellow Crew members to join in the discussion. This blog wouldn't deserve the name of SAGES if we didn't all participate!

0 comments Contributed by David Mansfield on 29 August 2005 at 16:39

Take the following passage:

Oliver Sacks writes about Temple Grandin, an autistic woman who designs cattle chutes. Because she is autistic, she cannot tell when people are lying. This makes life difficult for her. She also says a toddler is more advanced than she is, because she cannot read people.

Leaving content aside, what's wrong here?

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